At Kmart (yes, they’re still around), you can buy an 8-pack of Hanes white t-shirts for $15. That’s less than $2 a shirt. And those motherf*ckers are tagless! Now, we’re not going to sit here and tell you they are the finest tees you’ll ever don, but is there really that much of a difference when it comes to the plain white tees of the world? We’d argue there isn’t. Could we see ourselves spending $15 on a really nice white tee? Sure, but that’s pretty much our limit. One thing we will not do, however, is buy any of these. These are some of the most ridiculously expensive plain white t-shirts we could find.
This is not the most expensive of the bunch, but it’s still way more than we’d ever spend on a plain white tee. The Novak T-Shirt from A.P.C. boasts a straight hem, topstitched cuffs, and other okay details that in no way warrant a $90 price tag. Unless it was handmade by Novak Djokovic, we don’t get it. It’s 95% cotton, 5% elastane, and 100% fucking ridiculous.$90
Cotton is cotton, right? Wrong! You sandpaper-wearing imbecile. If you’ve never draped Sea Island Cotton over your body, we can’t even begin to imagine your sad existence. Sea Island Cotton is cultivated in the West Indies and is prized for its long staple fibers, which makes garments silky and soft. Imagine if Spandex and velvet had a love child. Of course, it will get pit stains and show off the glob of mustard that missed your mouth just the same—even if that mustard is Grey Poupon.$178
Farfetch, which we’re slowly realizing is the site for expensive white tees, has another option if the aforementioned 11 by Boris Bidjan Saberi shirt wasn’t the white shirt for you. The Saint Laurent Relaxed Pocket T-Shirt is exactly what the name says it is. With a relaxed fit and a pocket you can surely see why such a garment would command close to $500. Also, the pocket looks like it was sewn on wrong, so there’s that.$490
This white t-shirt is a just a scoach longer than most, so you can see why it costs 16,000 times more than the one you’re currently wearing. Listen, cloth is pricey, and if you want a white tee that extends to your family jewels you’re gonna have to pony up. That, or you can just buy a Hanes that’s a size too big.$490
Pro tip: If you buy this shirt, wear it inside out. Why? Well at least then people behind you will know you’re wearing a shirt made by Gucci. The alternative is to be the guy who has a payment plan for his undershirt, and we think that’s marginally worse than being a braggart.$430