With the hottest months of the year right on the horizon, we’d like to make a small Public Service Announcement to our readers. Please remember to keep those beers cold, guys. No good beer should go to waste, and with the sun preparing to give us its worst, we all need to do our part to make sure those beers stay frosty. It’s serious business to us, and if it’s not yet serious business to you, we hope a look at these ridiculous beer cooling inventions will convince you otherwise.
The YETI Colster
You know YETI for their incredible coolers, so it should be no surprise that when they do things like simple beer koozies, they really do beer koozies. Over-engineered to include YETI’s patented Load-and-Lock Gasket, as well as double-wall vacuum insulation, and a No Sweat design, YETI’s Colster beer koozie will keep beers cold and hands warm and dry for hours. At $25 it’s probably the most expensive beer koozie in the world, but if you take cold beer as seriously as we (and they) do, it’s a no-brainer. $25
Merry Garden Cooler Picnic Table
Beers and backyard cookouts go together like loafers and bare feet, but for whatever reason, no one ever gets it right. People either leave their beer up to the elements, parking them on hot tables in a hotter sun with no protection, or leave them in a cooler far, far out of reach. This Merry Garden Cooler Picnic Table keeps the action right where it belongs, right in the middle of the table. The table itself is made from excellent quality Canadian Hemlock, which means it’s durable and tough enough to stand up to harsh outdoor climates, and the cooler, which is built directly into the center of the table, comes with a drain plug so your table doesn’t turn into a wading pool. Fill it with ice and all your guests’ favorite beers, then, when the party’s over, pull the drain plug and go. $240
Underground Beer Cooler
Man, we love when booze and science combine, and that’s exactly what’s happening with this Underground Beer Cooler. The cooler doesn’t use any ice or electric power to keep beers cold. Rather, it buries beers deep enough in the ground in order to use its residual temperatures to keep your favorite booze cold enough to enjoy in all weather and temperature. Your beer will harness the power of the Earth’s natural refrigeration to keep itself cold, just like people have been doing for thousands of years. $350
Sobro Cooler Coffee Table
And just what happens when you’re inside, relaxing on the couch and away from the heat, in need of another cold one? Your options are to either get up and make the long walk all the way to the refrigerator, or look like a 20-year-old frat boy and have a mini-fridge hooked up right beside the couch. Luckily, the folks at Sobro have invented the answer to our problem—a sleek, modern, coffee table that comes complete with its own beer-cooling drawer. The table also includes two storage drawers, charging ports, Bluetooth speakers, and LED lights. It’ll run you around 900 bucks to get your hands on one (shipping included), and they’re schedule to start shipping in September. $899
Cruzin Cooler
Probably the ultimate “What could possibly go wrong?” beer-cooling item we’ve ever seen, the Cruzin Cooler won’t just keep your adult beverages frosty, it’ll also allow you to get from point A to point B in spectacular (and probably dangerous) fashion. These babies top out at about 13 MPH, will fit a whole case of beer and eight pounds of ice in the cooler, and have a 10-mile range before they need a recharge. $490
Spinchill
The Spinchill might look ridiculous, but its claim that it chills beer almost 40 times faster than conventional methods is grounded in actual science. Ordinarily, when you place a warm beer in a cooler, it can take a while to cool off because warm beer is slowly cooled from the outside. The Spinchill’s constant spinning motion forces the warm beer to circulate and make contact with the cold outer walls of the can, cooling beer faster. It looks ridiculous, but the science is definitely there. $25
Otterbox Venture Cooler
You know Otterbox for their incredibly tough and world-famous phone cases, but they’ve also struck gold with their Venture Cooler. The Venture Cooler series comes in 25-, 45-, and 65-quart models, and they’re not only bear-proof (literally bear-proof), but capable of taking as much of a beating as you can subject them to, can accommodate a slew of accessories (cutting boards, wheels, drink holders, etc.), built-in bottle openers, and most importantly, the ability to keep beers cold for up to two weeks. No, you didn’t read that wrong. These things come to play. $250
The Brew Cave
Gentlemen, the search for Heaven is over. The day has come, and the time is now, luckily with a lot less death and pestilence raining from the sky. The Brew Cave is technically considered a kegerator—the largest on the market—and is capable of holding 30 cases of beer, and six kegs “for just in case” (that’s seriously the verbiage used on the U.S. Cooler website). The box consists of 4-inch vapor-proof panels, a beer-dispensing tap setup, and a locking glass door to prevent would-be beer thieves. It can be constructed in just a short couple hours, and can go anywhere you have power. It brings a tear to our eyes just writing about it. Get a Quote
