Thirty is an important age. It’s the age when you begin to think about your own mortality. It’s also the time when you start to evaluate your life choices. When you were a child, 30 seemed like the oldest age you could imagine. By the time you turn 30, you should probably have your life figured out. You should have a full-time job, have your 401k chugging along and possibly even be married (or at least in a committed relationship). You should also be a few years past imbibing some of these mixed drinks and shots.
Vodka and Red Bull
This simple drink can barely be referred to as a cocktail since it only consists of vodka and Red Bull (or a similar Taurine-driven energy drink). Popularized by the college set in the late 90s and early aughts, Vodka and Red Bull is a horrible combination of alcohol and energy. This drink is best left behind along with the memories of your partying 20s.
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Southern Comfort and Lime
Southern Comfort is every college student’s go-to alcohol. This sweet, mystery liquor is made up of various ingredients including herbs, fruit and spices. Drinking a shot of SoCo with lime juice is the preferred way to enjoy it. After you turn 30, you should probably limit your shot intake, and SoCo and lime shouldn’t make the cut.
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Jager Bombs
If you didn’t get enough Red Bull in your Vodka and Red Bull, you’re probably clamoring for a Jager Bomb. Few drinks scream “frat” more than this popular college drink. A Jager Bomb consists of a shot of Jagermeister dropped into a Red Bull and then chugged like a maniac. You shouldn’t be making this drink after you turn 25 let alone 30.
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Irish Car Bomb
Similar to the Jager Bomb, the Irish Car Bomb consists of a shot of Jameson (topped off with Bailey’s) dropped into a Guinness and then chugged before it has a chance to curdle. If you don’t drink it fast, it begins to resemble an alcoholic cottage cheese. That should be enough to tell you that you shouldn’t still be drinking this uncomfortably named drink.
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Three Wise Men
The Three Wise Men is a shot that consists of Johnnie Walker, Jim Beam and Jack Daniel’s together in one terrible shot. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of Johnnie Walker, Beam or Jack on the rocks, but just don’t be so disrespectful to mix the three iconic brands together into one ridiculous shot.
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Long Island Iced Tea
Tequila, gin, vodka, rum and triple sec are fine on their own, but once you turn 30 there’s no reason to imbibe them all at the same time unless you want your evening to end before it’s even started.
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Screwdriver
There’s a reason the Screwdriver is the first cocktail for many—vodka and orange juice is delicious and refreshing, but you should probably ease your way out of drinking this sophomoric drink in your late twenties (if not before).
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Flaming Dr. Pepper
If you’re nearing 30 and have never had a Flaming Dr. Pepper, don’t start now. This shot consists of amaretto and 151. A shot glass is filled ¾ with amaretto before being topped off with 151. Here’s where it gets crazy. The shot is then set on fire and left to burn for a few moments before being blown out and downed. This shot isn’t really suitable for any age let alone a thirty-something.
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Jell-O Shots
Luckily, by the time you reach 30 you’ve most likely already had your fill of Jell-O shots for a lifetime. These wiggly, jiggly shots are made by combining Jell-O and vodka together instead of water. They’re prepared in individual plastic cups for maximum drunken revelry. They seemed fun when you were in college, but waking up with Jell-O stains all over your white dress shirt isn’t all that fun anymore.
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White Russian
You might assume that the White Russian is a gentleman’s drink because “The Dude” liked to drink them in The Big Lebowski. Well, that movie came out almost twenty years ago and emulating it doesn’t have the same appeal it once did. The dude abides, but you shouldn’t.
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Brass Monkey
The Beastie Boys made the Brass Monkey cool. The drink consists of rum, vodka and orange juice. It’s pretty much just a screwdriver with rum. It has a cooler name and a cooler vibe, but it’s definitely not a cocktail you should still be making when you hit 30.
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Frozen Margarita
A regular margarita is fine (in moderation), but a frozen margarita is a major no-no. Any pre-made frozen cocktail is perfect for college spring break binge drinking, but it’s just not for a casual dinner with friends. You should already have gotten this one out of your system years ago.
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7 & 7
This drink consisting of Seagram’s Seven and 7up might not seem like it belongs on this list—it’s not offensive or immature—but it’s just the simplicity and lack of imagination. Bartenders don’t like making this for you, so you probably should stop ordering it.
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Rum/Jack and Coke
The go-to college classic of rum or Jack and Coke is just that, a college classic. This unimaginative cocktail is designed to get you drunk while giving you a little sugar and caffeine boast. It was the vodka Red Bull before it was invented. Order an Old Fashioned or Sazerac instead.
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