There’s something incredibly special about a perfect film; when writing and acting come together and work perfectly in sync with great directing and breathtaking cinematography. We get goose bumps just thinking about the life-changing experiences cinematic experiences we’ve had.
And those goosebumps turn into pure, unadulterated douche chills when we think of all our favorite bad movies. You know what we’re talking about. Those low budget, lazily written, poorly acted piece of trash that somehow or another get greenlit and funded. Those cinematic trash heaps that are just so painfully awful they actually somehow wind up being entertaining to watch? Yeah, we love those too.
Let us paint for you a picture real quick: Dawn (Jess Weixler) is an average high school girl. Young, beautiful, and coming to terms with her sexuality, she is also the spokesperson for her local Christian abstinence group. Luckily, that’s totally cool, because spoiler: Her vagina has razor sharp teeth. We don’t want to give too much of the film’s plot away (there wasn’t much of it to begin with, if we’re being honest), but Dawn’s vagina may or may not become a bit of a serial killer, with a particular appetite for exactly what you’re thinking. Believe it or not, this movie has a solid Rotten Tomatoes rating of 80%, and Jess Weixler received the Grand Jury Prize for Acting at Sundance for her part in it. Watch
Another shockingly high Rotten Tomatoes score (87%) for such an obviously ridiculous movie—it’s called Deathgasm for crying out loud—this cinematic cluster fuck is about a group of greasy teenage friends who meet and bond over their mutual love of heavy metal. After deciding to start their own band (Named “DEATHGASM,” naturally), things go awry after the boys try to incorporate some light-hearted demonic references into their music and accidentally wind up summoning a demon. It’s like a b-grade grindhouse-type horror movie, mixed with solid, funny writing, and some really, really gnarly gore. Who’d have thought your grandmother was right all these years? Heavy metal music actually is the devil’s music. Thanks, Grandma! Watch
The infamous Sharknado movie series is available on Netflix right now. For those of you who’ve been living under a cultural rock for the last five years, Sharknado is a story about a shark-filled tornado that wreaks havoc on Los Angeles and everyone in it. An ironically named bar owner, Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering), sets out with his friends Nova Clarke (Cassandra Scerbo), Baz Hogan (Jason Simmons), and George (John Heard) to save Fin’s estranged wife April (Tara fucking Reid) and their teenage daughter. The dumbest, most absurd plot line we’ve ever seen in a movie (Seriously, how have they made like, five of these things?), combined with equally terrible CGI all over the place, and poor, poor Tara Reid, in what we can only imagine is her career’s final gasping breath, make this movie so absolutely awful that we can’t help but love it. Fuckin’ shark tornados, guys… And if it’s too unbearable to sit through sober, try the “official” Sharknado drinking game. Watch
Do you remember that viral video from a few years back? The one where the 67-year-old man knocks out another much younger, chubby Ja Rule-looking fellow on a city bus for being rude and belligerent? This one? Yeah, well somebody call the amberlamps, because they made this man’s altercation into a movie. And if that doesn’t sound ridiculous enough, Danny Trejo stars as the protagonist, Frank Vega, a Vietnam veteran and local hero—fanny pack and all—who saves a man from a group of attackers on a city bus. But when Vega’s best friend is murdered and the police show no interest in finding his killer, Vega once again decides to take justice into his own hands. We had super high hopes for this movie when it came out, because with a name like Bad Ass, you better be badass. But, it was more of a gag gift than a serious film. Either way, it’s a definite must-see terrible movie. Watch
We’re just going to go ahead and copy this one straight from Netflix: “An ordinary day at Fernfield Farms turns extraordinary when five dogs discover mysterious rings that grand them each a unique super power.” Now, we could sit here for days arguing about whether dogs have the moral capacity to do superhero deeds, whether or not they have consciences, how the hell they managed to get rings on their paws (they’re collars, not rings, apparently), or where the hell those capes came from. But that’d make us total jerks. So we’ll just shut up for two seconds (or an hour and 20 minutes) and enjoy this awefest of dogs having their mouths computer-modified to talk like humans. Watch
This one may very well take the cake for “best worst movie we’ve ever seen.” George States (Jeff Doucette) has just found out he has six months to live because of advanced brain cancer. With little recourse outside of “wait and die,” he decides to seek out a male cobra in the hopes claiming its “life force” and living eternally. This, in turn, invokes the wrath of the Cobra Goddess… Or something? We don’t really know. There’re women bleeding out in the movie trailer, and then that guy from Jurassic World shows up (Irrfan Khan), and there’s some really excellent/terrible CGI work to create a scary-looking snake human… It’s just like, it’s one of those over-the-top Bollywood films, where you know things are so absurd and ridiculous, but with exceptional snake body make up. Plus, you know, it’s “Hisss” with three whole s’s, just so you missed the snake onomatopoeia. Watch
Gentlemen seeking a really awkward, really poorly acted movie trying to cash in on the recent YA book/movie explosion shouldn’t look any further than Maximum Ride. Max Ride and her family of half-bird-half-human primates must embark on a journey to save one of their own, which nails almost every cliche in the genre. Oh! And just in case the hysterically awful plot and obnoxiously bad CGI cuts aren’t awful enough, it was produced by YouTube mega-star Jenna Marbles. Watch
Mitsuki is your average Japanese school girl (there are plenty of them in this film) who’s just trying to figure out her identity. Only, within the first couple of minutes, Mitsuki’s bus is is cut in half and everyone on it is killed by… A gust of wind. And it gets weirder from there, as Mitsuki discovers she’s in some kind of weird, terrifying alternate universe. This film is incredibly difficult to wrap your head around, but if you manage to, it evolves into a brilliant piece of commentary on things like the obtuseness of cinema, the hazards of the patriarchy, and the hurdles of teenage life. It’s a mindfuck from start to finish, admittedly, but if you can hold on, it’s a pretty great movie overall. Oh, and it currently has an 80% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Watch