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Women get all kinds of advice from magazines from how to dress to how to please a man in the bedroom, and even what to cook for us. And while it’s not all bad (with hotties like Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba on the cover) these mags are lacking much needed male insights. For example, we’re actually not that interested in your hair and we definitely don’t care about your shoes. Don’t get us wrong, we love the heels… we just don’t see why you need so many pairs that quite frankly, to us look the same. But if Women’s magazines were actually written by men, there wouldn’t be so much confusion about what we want. Here are some article titles, written by men that get straight to the point.

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Unzip your coat and have some mulled wine on the house—you’ve arrived at your final gifting destination: The Holiday Gift Guide. It’s like your friendly neighborhood one-stop holiday shop, except instead of balsa wood ornaments, ours is packed with thoughtful gifts for everyone on your list. Future heirlooms, small-but-significant stocking stuffers, and gear for getting out there (or staying in)—are all right here. There’s no music playing in the background though, so you’ll just have to hum Bing Crosby while you click around instead.

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