While there’s certainly a time, place an intended recipient for the “Holly Jolly,” “Merry Christmas,” “Season’s Tidings” and other Christmas-themed cards you’d easily find at your local big box shop or drugstore, there are just as many holiday cards available on the Internet that are far more interesting. And we will always recommend pairing a card–however hilarious or inappropriately amusing–with a gift from one of our Holiday Gift Guides. Adding a card to your holiday gift isn’t required, but it does add a personal touch to any gift you’re giving this season. Here are all the best holiday card options for 2021.
This card lays it all out on the front cover. “Season’s Fucking Greetings. Only profanity could appropriately convey the sentiment of this shit show known as 2021.” With the white background, contrasting red and green text on the top and bottom and an entirely black interior for you to pen, well, whatever the hell you’re thinking (we’d go with something simple given the bold text prior), this card has it all.$4+
Despite the fact that most of the other options on this list are completely inappropriate for public consumption in one way or another, few of them will raise the eyebrows like this Naughty Pop-Up Christmas Card. Reserved for your special someone–or otherwise, if you want to gamble with your own well-being–this funny Christmas card features a very tame Merry Christmas! and present exterior that, when opened, gives way to a 3D, paper-lattice penis that will have the proper recipient laughing their way through midnight mass. It’s not for everyone, but the people that will enjoy it will be all “very nice, how much” from the time you give it to them until Santa comes down the chimney.$15
About five years ago–which is essentially an eternity with COVID math–we did our first “Holiday Cards You’ll Actually Want to Send” piece that included this same, incredibly memorable card from Terrapin Stationers. To this day, the better part of half a decade later, people are still singing our praises for breaking the mold and sending a card that elegantly displays Santa flipping them the bird. We’re not going to pretend to understand why they love it so much or continue to thank us for it all these years later, but they definitely want more. Printed on a single piece of folded A7 paper, engraved in gold ink, and delivered in a festive red envelope, Fuck Yeah Santa! is the perfect holiday card for someone truly special.$13
Don’t get us wrong, we’re all for the offensive and inflammatory–especially when it comes to holiday cards–but sometimes you just need a super low-key, smack-you-in-the-face, cardboard declaration of nonsense when it comes to the family members that don’t get it otherwise. That’s where the funny “Here is Your Obligatory Christmas Card” comes in. As you might have guessed, the outside is emblazoned with “Here is Your Obligatory Christmas Card” with “You’re Welcome” below it and nothing else. The inside is similarly blank. You can write, draw, doodle and customize to your heart’s content, or just sign, seal and deliver depending on your mood. It’s funny and kitschy without being overtly offensive, so even the hardest or most stringent family members will probably find it amusing.$5
Try as we all might, we can’t stop Dad from sending ridiculous memes to us on all the platforms we stopped using half a decade ago but forgot to uninstall from our phones. As much as we give him shit about it, his newbie attempt to copy-paste Facebook memes in an attempt to become an amateur memelord always amuses, which brings us to the meme-ist card on this list–Got You A Christmas Cod. It’s a pun. It’s a meme. It has quality fish illustration, solid paper quality and hand-printing. It’s the perfectly pun-worthy gift for any old man that’s ever picked up a reel and loves to a spin a yarn.$6
What started as “Merry Chrithmith” years ago with Mike Tyson’s mug and signature delivery has evolved into a better-illustrated and well-printed card with the You Be Thuper Good for Thanta variant you see here. If Tyson himself doesn’t care about the publicity–or the fact that he’s rendered here in a reindeer sweater and Santa hat–we’re all for the whole shebang… even if it includes face tats and finger-pointing. Plus. there’s plenty space on the inside to pen a personal note of your own.$5