Unless companies change what they make laptop keyboards out of we will never come home from a day of work with dirt caked under our fingernails. Sometimes we are happy about that but often we end up staring at a Word document wishing we could do something more rugged for a living. You know, have a job that reeks of sweat, toughness and perhaps raw steak. We want those war stories and that ultimate sense of masculinity in our careers. So, here are our picks for the 10 Rugged Jobs Most Men Would Die For:
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Volcanologist
Here’s a scenario: You’re at a party and a group of people are gathered around talking about what they do for a living. One of them asks you about your occupation and you reply, “I’m a volcanologist.” BOOM! Minimum of three girls make out with you. Okay, it might not go down exactly like that but you would no doubt have the most interesting job at that party. Studying volcanoes says you both seek out danger and are a bit of an intellectual. Sure, not all of it is rappelling into active volcanoes but the ability to somewhat predict eruptions and save lives isn’t half bad either.
Competitive Lumberjack
As guys, you could turn anything into a competition and we’d want to win as bad as the Cubs want to win the World Series. Why else would there be competitive eating? While we’re not so keen on any contests that include “reversals,” we’re always game for proving our manhood and we doubt there’s a better way than Timbersports. It’s like the Olympics for bearded dudes – log rolling, speed climbing, chopping up wood while your flannel gets soaked with beer-laced sweat. If we competed right now we’d settle for not losing a thumb but down the line we’d be gunning for some prize money at The World Championships in Wisconsin.
Movie Stunt Driver
How many jobs are there that let you drive insane cars, beat the living motor oil out of them and, oh yeah, hang with celebs? Not many. Sure you might not get the fame of a movie star but we’d guess being a movie stunt driver would lead to far cooler stories and a more exciting life. Get good at it and you could be earning six figures while replacing your caffeine habit with straight-up adrenaline. Breaking in is not easy, seeing as how only about 5% of all stunt drivers are employed at a given time, but hell, we’d settle for just going to Bobby Ore’s driving school.
National Geographic Photographer
Any job that allows us to travel to exotic locations and play around with our digital picture taking toys is clearly going to make it on our list of jobs to die for. Forget company meetings in Boise, we want to be taking shots off the Amalfi Coast (shots as in pictures, although if there were down time, we wouldn’t be against resting in one of the small town bars with a bottle of Petron). The freelance game isn’t for everyone, but the perks of this gig would be hard to pass up. You’d get to see the world and have the most kick-ass photo album of it.
Boxing Cutman
Boxing would be a great profession if you were good enough to make a comfortable living and also good enough to avoid taking so many blows that you name all your kids George. To be part of the action and still get that adrenaline injection we’d jump at the chance to be some prize-fighter’s cutman. Inherently we love challenges, so tell us to fix a face-full of problems in a minute and we’ll whip out the cotton swabs and enswell (the metal piece used to calm swelling) faster than a flurry of Roy Jones Jr. body shots. Plus, it wouldn’t be too shabby getting better than ringside seats and perhaps meeting some ring girls in the process.
Demolition Expert
Ever since we strapped a firecracker on the roof of a Matchbox car in our sandbox we dreamt of blowing things up for the duration of our time on earth. While being a demolition expert isn’t as simple as placing a few charges, stepping back and giggling like you were on the remake of Bevis and Butthead, it is a career that we assume would give us a certain kick in the pants. Concrete bridges, old buildings, you name it, we’d gladly bring that sucker down for you.
Oyster Harvester
Any job that gets us out of a cubicle or an office is already a step closer to something we’d dream of doing for a living. Keep your Swingline Staplers and office restricted websites and give us a job like oyster harvesting. Waking up to an early morning boat ride and wading around in water may not be the ideal gig for everyone but to us it sounds way better than expense reports. Plus, after a long day of work in the sun, enjoying a few fresh oysters and some champagne and we’d be feeling like kings.
Shark Tagger
If you look at your schedule for the day and it says, “9am: Piss off sharks,” chances are you’ve got a job that delivers a rush of adrenaline akin to injecting 5-Hour Energy directly into your veins. Tagging sharks is an important bit of work in an effort to understand more about the ocean predator’s habitats and migration patterns but, who are we kidding, we’re interested because you’re in the middle of the ocean firing harpoons at freakin’ sharks! We wouldn’t be into it for hurting the little guys, but tagging can actually help from over-fishing, so in a way it helps them out and assures us we’ll have Shark Week for years to come.
Bladesmith
You toss “smith” on the end of a word and it makes us think of the jobs of the olden days when men did all their work by hand and there were no computers or robots crafting our products (to be fair, we like both computers and robots). If we had to pick the most awesome of the bunch it would be a Bladesmith. You’re like a sculptor looking at a block of marble and imagining Michelangelo’s David only you’re staring at a heated piece of steel and picturing some kick-ass sword or knife. Also, we figure hammering away all day would be an awesome stress reliever and solid workout (as if we needed another reason besides the homemade collection of daggers we’d have to want this job).
Rib Cook-Off Judge
If at first you think there is little danger involved in this job you’ve obviously never told some 300-pound dude who spent the entire day sweating over an open flame that you thought his dry rub was flavorless. The clear perk of this job is tasting some amazing BBQ, but be forewarned, competitors take these cook-offs super seriously (hell, they camp out in trailers for days just to get a ribbon and some cash) so you better as well. As proof that this is serious business, some cook-offs require the judges to be certified or at least be able to demonstrate they understand proper texture and taste of a delicious rib, which, luckily, we’ve spent our entire adult lives learning in parking lots at football games.
During 30 Days of Dirt Dial for Men will be giving away over 400 prizes. How do you get involved? Head over to Facebook.com/DialForMen for your chance to win Grand Prizes like a Polaris ATV, Dirt Bike and Riding Lawnmower, or any of the Daily Prizes like $50 gift cards to manly stores like Home Depot, Sears, Cabela’s and Lowes, Dial For Men product coupons and Dial For Men T-shirts.
These are just a handful of our picks, but we’re not the only ones who can get our hands dirty. Make sure to comment below let us know your dream (rugged) job.
