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Awkward wedding speeches are up there in the pantheon of embarrassing moments we wish we could either take back or un-hear. We’ve all witnessed them, or worse, delivered them: sordid tales of exes, drunk apologies, and painful attempts at profundity that took off like a deflating party balloon. We can’t undo the past, but you can save yourselves. Now, you can hire Tinseltown Toasts, a crack team of award-winning Hollywood screenwriters to save your sad bacon on wedding day, whether it’s your own or someone else’s. They boast such accolades as two Golden Globe nominations, a Writer’s Guild Award nomination, and a GLAAD nomination. Each speech, vow, or toast is custom-written for you after the team interviews you and will send you drafts after assessing your relationship with the honoree, bride, groom, whatever have you. And they’re not limited to weddings but will also write eulogies, roasts, and even craft the perfect set of words to end a relationship, making the line, “breakin’ up is hard to do” the best kind of falsity.

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There’s nothing like an evening spent with a cigar in one hand and your favorite spirit in the other. Our current favorite smoke is from La Aurora, the original Dominican cigar company. Founded over a century ago, they set the standard for premium cigars with their masterful blends, impeccable construction, and meticulous attention to detail. Their new website features a wide cigar assortment from La Aurora and León Jimenes, educational content, and curated options tailored to fit any smoker’s preferences, so it’s a go-to resource for all things cigar. Get your premium, hand-rolled cigars today.