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Awkward wedding speeches are up there in the pantheon of embarrassing moments we wish we could either take back or un-hear. We’ve all witnessed them, or worse, delivered them: sordid tales of exes, drunk apologies, and painful attempts at profundity that took off like a deflating party balloon. We can’t undo the past, but you can save yourselves. Now, you can hire Tinseltown Toasts, a crack team of award-winning Hollywood screenwriters to save your sad bacon on wedding day, whether it’s your own or someone else’s. They boast such accolades as two Golden Globe nominations, a Writer’s Guild Award nomination, and a GLAAD nomination. Each speech, vow, or toast is custom-written for you after the team interviews you and will send you drafts after assessing your relationship with the honoree, bride, groom, whatever have you. And they’re not limited to weddings but will also write eulogies, roasts, and even craft the perfect set of words to end a relationship, making the line, “breakin’ up is hard to do” the best kind of falsity.

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We demand a lot from our shirts, which is why we like the shirts that come from Batch. Batch makes shirts that are durable, stylish, and well-built (by hand!)–without the hefty price tag. Case in point: Batch’s Specialist Utility Shirt. Equal parts rugged yet refined and stylish yet durable, this shirt expertly balances simplicity, detail and function with its Giza cotton construction, oversized chest pockets with side expansion and spread collar. Those same details make it great with jeans or worn open over your favorite tee. Dress better with Batch.