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Awkward wedding speeches are up there in the pantheon of embarrassing moments we wish we could either take back or un-hear. We’ve all witnessed them, or worse, delivered them: sordid tales of exes, drunk apologies, and painful attempts at profundity that took off like a deflating party balloon. We can’t undo the past, but you can save yourselves. Now, you can hire Tinseltown Toasts, a crack team of award-winning Hollywood screenwriters to save your sad bacon on wedding day, whether it’s your own or someone else’s. They boast such accolades as two Golden Globe nominations, a Writer’s Guild Award nomination, and a GLAAD nomination. Each speech, vow, or toast is custom-written for you after the team interviews you and will send you drafts after assessing your relationship with the honoree, bride, groom, whatever have you. And they’re not limited to weddings but will also write eulogies, roasts, and even craft the perfect set of words to end a relationship, making the line, “breakin’ up is hard to do” the best kind of falsity.

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We’re sick of the quarantine beard, so we’re going clean shaven again. We’re doing it with a Henson razor. Precision-machined out of aluminum by a boutique aerospace manufacturer, this razor feels and works better than anything else on the market. It presents the blade at such a precise angle you can barely feel the shave. It’s uncanny. Most guys (and gals, they have a women’s razor) prefer drugstore cartridge razors because they’re plug ‘n play. Honestly, the Henson design ensures perfect positioning every time, and it’s cheaper and better for the environment long-term. Switch today.