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It doesn’t matter if you work in new media, investment banking or IT, office warfare is serious business. If you’ve never fashioned a metal ruler, rubber band and CD into a weapon of destruction, you don’t know what you’re missing. You could purchase a tiny (read: shitty) rubber band gun from the corner store for five dollars and get a small to moderate level of enjoyment out of it. Or you could get down with your bad self and pick up this rubber band machine gun, based on the gatling specs, complete with 700+ rubber bands, display base and fast reload arm. The fully automatic trigger mechanism lets you unleash all 672 shots in 48 seconds flat (14 bands per second) from sixteen total barrels. But the best part is probably the “fast charger” because it lets you reload an entire barrel in one quick motion, and everyone knows that the worst part about rubber band guns is reloading.

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Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.