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The Roundup

9 Movie Characters We Suspect Were Stoners

9 Movie Characters We Suspect Were Stoners

The Dude, Spicoli, everyone in Half Baked—these are characters the entire world knows are stoners. In honor of 4/20, however, we decided to delve a little deeper. What about the characters that weren’t so forthcoming about their habits? Here are nine we suspect smoked their fair share even if they never came out and said it:

1. Fat Bastard (Austin Powers)

Any dude who weighs a metric ton clearly has a never-ending case of the munchies. Sure you can put on some extra lbs without partaking in any of Amsterdam’s finest, but bulking up to Dr. Evil’s henchmen’s size, well that takes the eternal hunger supplied by frequent bong hits. Plus, deciding to try sumo wrestling sounds like an idea that would be hilarious after breaking out the bowl.

2. Dr. Emmett Brown (Back to the Future)

At times he’s concocting brilliant ideas, while at others, he’s more spaced out than the characters in Dazed and Confused. Doc has made it clear that he’s not above breaking the law if it results in him getting his hands on something he wants. We suspect the entire notion of time travel came up in a foggy conversation that went along the lines of, “Dude, what if like, you could go back in time and stuff. How crazy would that be?! . . . How? . . . I dunno . . . A DeLorean.”

3. Yoda (Star Wars)

When can an old guy with a cane suddenly start flipping through the air? Shortly after he’s taken a few hits, that’s when. You don’t reach 900 years of age without some bodily pain, so we’re guessing the little dude had a prescription. Besides, is all his coughing really from old age? Maybe, but we think from the smoke it is.

4. Shaggy (Scooby-Doo)

This one is a dead giveaway. Shaggy looks and sounds just like the quintessential pothead. From the “I just woke up” appearance to the insatiable appetite, we’d think something was wrong with Shaggy if he wasn’t a stoner. Plus, you gotta be pretty high to eat dog treats.

5. Rex (Toy Story)

Some midnight tokers happen to be brainiacs who come up with their best ideas thanks in part to the wacky tobacky. There are others, however, who we suspect are the reason for the term “dope.” When you’re having a conversation with a piggy bank and you’re the dumb one, you know your brain cells are fried.

6. Neo (The Matrix)

This one is a tougher call than it might appear on the surface. Anytime you’re deciding whether a fictitious character smokes pot (a common dilemma), you run into trouble when said character is played by Keanu Reeves. When the actor playing the character looks high, you need to determine whether the character himself is high as well. The first inkling is that Neo is a lonely computer hacker, and a survey recently revealed that 95% of lonely hackers smoke weed (made that up). Also, the idea that being presented with such a mind-blowing notion as The Matrix would not in fact blow your mind is preposterous . . . unless you happen to be as high as a kite. Plus, Matrix or no Matrix, seeing things in slow motion = baked.

7. Crush (Finding Nemo)

How do you light up under the sea? Ask Crush. Somehow that duuuuude figured it out. Clearly he’s burning one down every time he comes up for air, but he’s so clearly stoned 24/7, that he probably crafted a bong from some coral to be used while submerged as well. From the hippie theories to the Cali surfer language, Crush definitely has a stash hidden in his shell.

8. Bella (The Twilight Saga)

If Bella were to be pulled over by the cops at any point in The Twilight Saga, there’s no way the po-po is buying that she’s straight (side note: Don’t inform the cops you’re “straight”). The eyes are a dead giveaway. The vacant stare, the constant twitching and blinking, the appearance of always needing Visine, we’re guessing she’s Team Pothead.

9. Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

The foremost advocate of childhood diabetes concocted some of the most insane sugar-filled products while a minion of odd little men danced around his factory . . . and that was the seemingly normal part of his life. Everything the eccentric chocolatier thought up seemed like the brainstorm of someone ripped out of their mind. We wouldn’t be surprised if the factory tour he offered the kids happened to coincide with their schools’ D.A.R.E. program.

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