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9 Hemp Products that Don’t Make You Look Like a Stoner

9 Hemp Products that Don’t Make You Look Like a Stoner

We’re long past when it was time to abolish hemp’s dirty reputation. It’s true that it’s closely related to marijuana, but when people talk about hemp, what they generally mean is the plant that produces miniscule amounts of THC and has hundreds to tens of thousands of uses (depending on the sources you believe). The plant is a no-hassle crop that could replace a lot of the inferior products we use every day. Let’s start getting some of those switched out. Here are nine quality hemp products.

Patagonia Iron Forge Hemp Canvas Chore Coat

Patagonia has a whole line of clothing made of hemp, but we’re fans of their chore coat. It’s made of 55% hemp fiber, a fiber whose durability hasn’t ever been in doubt. If we’re looking for a coat that can stand up to physical labor in harsh weather, like you generally do with a chore coat, we’d prefer some kind of hempen product. The style’s a classic one too. It’s the rich yet simple outdoor brown that signifies you’ve been tossing hay bales or chopping wood all day. There are big pockets too, which are somehow still forgotten across clothing designs for both sexes. $149

Dietary and Nutritional Supplements

There’s almost no way you don’t have a friend, stoner or not, who hasn’t touted hemp seeds’ amazing health benefits to you. It’s the 21st century, someone’s always running around with a revolutionary new diet plan to shove in your face. Only, in hemp’s case, it might not be a fad. Actual doctors are recommending people add hemp seeds to their diets, so it’s not just the guy down the street with dreads who can only speak between massive bong rips. There’s a ton of protein in the seeds, they are packed with vitamins and minerals, and they have plenty of fiber. The only catch is how high the calorie count is, though even that might not hit you all that hard either. $5

Dr. Bronner’s Organic Shaving Soap

This shaving soap is more for the novelty of the product than any sort of health or lifestyle benefit, even though this soap is supposed to give you healthier skin. Most of the people we know simply aren’t shaving with creams or oils that contain hemp oil. Or, if they are, they aren’t talking about it. Beyond the hemp, we’re impressed with the scent selection at Dr. Bronner’s. You could go unscented, sure, but you could also do lavender, lemongrass lime, peppermint, or tea tree. Depending on the kind of guy you are, it might take a little while to get used to walking around with scents coming off your face, but you might find you enjoy it. $9

Humboldt Hemp Ale

No, this is not a beer that gets you high and drunk at the same time. If you want that, you’ll have to do it the old fashioned way. This beer is made with toasted hemp seed. It’s a brown ale, so adding the flavors from another toasted seed/grain/nut lends itself well, and the unique flavors that come from the seeds are a welcome experimentation to a style that doesn’t get much attention. At least in any way beyond a begrudging release to placate those of us who aren’t on the IPA or sour train. It’s a difficult beer to find, but if you can, pick up a six pack (or more). It’s this kind of adventurousness that will pull us into uncharted beer territory. Link

Heritage Journal

The story as to why we use paper made from tree pulp instead of hemp would take thousands of words and involves the Founding Fathers, political corruption, yellow journalism, racism, and willful ignorance as to the difference between THC and CBD producing plants. Since we don’t have that number of words for this section, let’s go with the short version. Hemp paper is stronger, theoretically cheaper, quicker to make, ridiculously environmentally friendly, and doesn’t break down as easily as regular paper. Getting yourself some hemp paper is just getting us back to what we should be using. $16

Bed Sheets

A lot of hoopla’s been made about fine linen and cotton thread counts, but given the chance, we’ll take the sheets made out of the same stuff as WWII parachutes. Plus, supposedly, hemp sheets get softer with every washr. If we can get a set of sheets that age as well as leather jackets, handcrafted wooden desks, and antique books, we’ll do it. $50

Straight Fit Jeans from Hemp Blue

We’re always on the lookout for a comfortable pair of jeans, so we were curious as to whether or not someone’s out there weaving some from hemp fiber. Sure enough, there is, and it is pretty much all they do. They have jackets, shirts, and other styles of jeans, with everything in both men and women’s styles, but we had to go with the time tested straight fit. They’re simple, durable, go with everything, and have the benefits of superior hemp fiber stacked on top. Hopefully Hemp Blue releases some other styles soon, but for now, we’re good with the straight fit. $115

Gear Bag Core

Hemp canvas makes a lot of sense for a gym bag. It’s antimicrobial, breathable, and durable, three features you definitely want in a bag that, without them, is going to end up smelling like a boot left in dirty subway tunnel water for three months. With them, your bag still smells, but it’s just regular, normal human BO instead of a biological weapon. The bag’s also discrete, with nothing to call attention to the fact that it’s made from a plant that was only just recently made legal again. Which is the exact way we’d want our bags to look. $125


Researching this roundup, sunglasses had to be the last product we saw ourselves including. But when we found them, we remembered all those watches, game console covers, other sunglasses, and a million other normally-not-wood things made of wood, and it started to make sense. Making something out of hemp fiber is similar to making it out of wood. Both are plants. That’s about where that ends, but you see what we’re saying. $398