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11 Life Lessons from Larry David

11 Life Lessons from Larry David

It’s been six years since Larry David graced the television screen with his reactions to many social faux pas. This weekend, however, Curb Your Enthusiasm is back. That means Larry is ready to teach us all a thing or two about social graces. And if you’ve only been watching Larry, Leon, Jeff, and Cheryl for a few laughs, you’re missing out on a great number of life lessons. Like what, you might ask? Here are 11 of them.

Respect Other People’s Possessions

The first thing we ever learned in school was how to share. Sure, it’s an important lesson, and one that helps us coexist. But sharing still requires respect for the other person’s property. If you want something they have, common courtesy suggests you simply ask. Is that too much? You don’t go scavenging through someone’s fridge like a raccoon when you want a lemonade. Oh, and don’t condescend someone with their tiny pear.

When Action is Required, Don’t Hesitate

In life, there are two kinds of people. There are those who hem and haw, questioning whether they should do something or not, and then there are those who act. When a problem arises, they solve it. Like Vanilla Ice. There’s no dillydally in their vocabulary. You should strive to be one of these people. We don’t mean you shouldn’t assess a situation. But as soon as you do, skip the procrastinating and don’t back down. Then, when a situation pops up, you can squash it. Lickety-split.

Always Have Your Friend’s Back

Nobody’s perfect, and that includes your best friend. When they screw up and need someone to turn to, you should be there. Hell, like the song says, that’s what friends are for. But how far are you willing to go? That’s a question a true friend would almost never have to ask, as the answer will almost always be, “Yes, I’ll do it.” Would you fight off someone attacking them? Would you help them move? Would you were women’s panties for them? 

In Fact, Do Just About Anything for a Good Friend

As we get older, it becomes harder and harder to make friends. We all know that. What they don’t tell you is, it also becomes harder and harder to keep friends. With moving for jobs, starting families, and all of life’s responsibilities, keeping a close friend isn’t easy. If you’re lucky enough to have one or two as you ease out of your partying years, you should let them know how much they mean. How? Well, when the opportunity presents itself to really be there for them, be there for them. Whether that means talking them through a break up, sharing a drink after a rough day at the office, or, you know, giving them a kidney.

Dress for the Situation

Your clothes say a lot about you. That can be good when they say the right things, but when they say the wrong things, oh boy, can it be a problem. Know the situation you’re going into and put on the right garb. Don’t be the girl who shows up to a wedding in a white dress. Don’t be the guy gunning for the corner office who insists on wearing flip-flops and graphic tees to work. Larry understands the importance of wearing the right clothing and doesn’t mind telling people about it—unlike Jerry Seinfeld.

Measure Twice and Cut Once

The old saying doesn’t apply only to carpentry; it’s a way of life. If you check your work, you’ll decrease the chances of error. It’s a lesson you should apply to your actual work, but it’s also something you should carry with you throughout the day. Cooking a meal? Make sure you read the measurements right. Setting your fantasy lineup? Double-check you hit Enter so you don’t end up starting Danny Woodhead while he’s on IR and then you lose to your friend John even though he started Cam Newton who is terrible this year and his running backs both share carries. What we’re saying is, a little extra attention goes a long way. And if you do happen to be a publisher, you probably want to make sure that person really did want the “C” word in an obituary.

Stand Up For Yourself

Admittedly, Larry only learned this lesson after Leon broke it down for him. Still, L.D. has shown a proclivity for speaking his mind, and while that might not always be warranted (most of the times it isn’t) there comes a time when someone can’t let another person disrespect them. What should you do if it happens to you? In the words of Leon, “You immediately got to get in someone’s ass … You pull that asshole open, step into their asshole, close the door behind you, take a spray paint can and spray paint ‘Larry was here’…” In other words, don’t let anyone talk down to you.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try New Things

It’s easy to fall into a routine. You get up, shower, go to work, and come home to watch TV and go to bed. Then you do it all over again. Why waste your life like that? Try new things. There’s so much out there. Sure you might not know the difference between a V8 and an inline-6, or how to measure wheelbase, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try your hand at being a car salesman, right? Look, all we’re saying is it’s a wide world; don’t be afraid to sell a few cars.

Respect Wood

When we think of characters championing care for wood, we immediately turn to Ron Swanson. While everyone’s favorite bacon-loving, government-despising, mustached man does a fine job, there’s a bigger advocate you may be missing—Larry David. Hell, his respect for all things wood kept him from getting back together with his ex. It would be wise to heed his advice, as a coffee stain today could mean a new coffee table tomorrow, which means chopping down more trees. Do you even care about Mother Earth? Then listen to Larry and respect your damn wood.

Know When to Be Serious

Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship knows you need to learn to read your partner. The wrong line at the wrong time could spell disaster. Sometimes, it’s not even the words that matter; it’s the delivery. If your significant other is really mad at you, you need to recognize that and keep the humor at bay. Don’t fack it up.

Unspoken Rules Still Need to Be Followed

Not every rule in the world is written on some piece of paper. There are plenty that are just, well, known. There are too many to list, but you need only look at a game of golf to realize they are bountiful. For starters, there is a speed you must play at when there are others around. If you can’t keep up said speed, you allow the group behind you to play through. Sure, this is a specific example, but it underlines a bigger point: Learn the unspoken rules before you brazenly engage in an activity. Or, you know, you might die.