There used to be a time when a man wore a watch to tell the time and watched tv shows that you could talk about intelligently without needing a PhD in Theoretical Physics – or bullshit. Those times are long gone. Lost is exactly what you’re going to be with these watches because it’s as impossible to decipher the time, day, and date as it is to comprehend time-traveling islands, multiple universes, and the apparently reversible condition we know as death. Fortunately, Lost as you may be, they all look so good you’re going to be unable to avert your eyes – even if it means you miss pushing that critical button.
Unlike the watch you’re rocking right now, this one actually has a pulse. Start with the end and work your way backwards (sound familiar?). Since it’s USB rechargeable you don’t have to worry about the battery dying because even desert islands have computers.
The numbers might not be 4 8 15 16 23 42, but this watch is still an exercise in futility. The left LEDs are the hours and the right are the minutes. If it seems impossible to make every time possible with only ten LEDs that’s because it is – unless you do math. That’s right, this watch requires constant math to tell the time..
We know transparency is something you’re not used to anymore, but Nooka makes it popular again with the zaz bk l. Once you get over the shock of being able to see through it, it’s quite simple: the blocks on the left are the hours and the bar on the right is the minutes.
The graphs represent hours, “tens” of minutes, and then “ones.” Much like when you first learned how to count, you’ll probably be using your fingers for this one too.
It might have more lights than Lost had seasons, but that doesn’t make it any less confusing. You get your hours from the blue lights, the minutes by combining the red lights, and your time, date, and am/pm from the green. With this amount of math we hope there isn’t a test.
Time not important, only life important. With a watch like this you’ll make sure to devote whatever time you have left to important things like Seinfeld reruns and sex because we can’t all just snap our fingers and start over.
Just because you’ve given up your life as a bass player in a semi-successful rock band doesn’t mean you need to lose the zipper cuffs. If adding a clock to a hole in the ground can make it cool, it will definitely work for a zipper cuff.
If we could even begin to explain how to read this watch we would…probably be writing shows like Lost. Something about factorials, unicode, and Legendre’s constant? It’s all Greek to us.
The Sea Hope Scope isn’t really a watch so much as it is a targeting computer sent from the future that you wear on your wrist. When anything looks this good you won’t even care that it makes you look like an extra from Blade Runner.
Tokyoflash is a company (like Bad Robot) that really doesn’t care if you understand whats going on. What they do care about is Star Trek. Beam us up anytime.
The Price Is Right wheel on the left displays the hours and the dial on the top displays the minutes. This should be fairly simple, but with the gyroscope, the cannon hatch, and all the dials we have no idea what we’re supposed to be paying attention to.
The marketing material for the Defakto One-Hand Automatic says “The idea is minimum information while being as exact as needed.” Remind you of anything? At least it doesn’t go backwards.
You could stare at this radar screen for hours and still have no idea what time it is. But at least you’ll know where it is because it’s so cool you’re never going to take it off.
When you’re wearing Tetris on your wrist even the current time doesn’t seem important. If you do plan on keeping score – blue is 10, green is 5, red is 1. You won’t remember that, so we’ll just skip to the end – you win.
Why do the hands on the watch have to move, why can’t the face itself move? Furthermore, why do you need hands and a face at all? Clearly one rotating disc that only displays hours and quarter hours is far more efficient. Let’s just hope you don’t have to do something every 108 minutes.
You only get to see part of the hours, the minutes, and the seconds but this time the picture is clear – it’s alien. Because even though it’s cop out, aliens makes it a whole lot easier to explain.
All things must come to an end but we didn’t sell the rights to Disney, so if you have questions feel free to ask. We promise not to just string a bunch of random thoughts together and call it an answer. Maybe.
Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.
In the Shop
- Black Metal Valet Tray - $31.41
- Campfire Candle - $22.21
- Swear Jar - $17.76
- Cassette Puzzle - $15.09
- Cantilever Flatware - $22.21
- Bourbon Barrel Aged Worcestershire Sauce - $6.19
- Concrete Valet Tray - $31.41
- MWC U.S. Military Pattern Wall Clock - $33.96
- 50 Things to Do with a Penknife - $15.98
- AVI-8 Hawker Hunter Black - $224.00
- How to Win Games and Beat People - $15.12
- Bourbon Barrel BBQ Sauce - $10.64
- Waxed Canvas Baseball Hat - Black - $40.76
- Wall Rack - $72.21
- Trench Lighter - $30.56
- Glaze Wooden Matchbox - $50.11
- Retro Video Game Puzzle - $16.87
- Pappy Van Winkle Hot Sauce - $14.20
- Beast 28 Backpack - $76.47
- Pry.Me Bottle Opener - $9.75
- GoBites Eat Kit - $12.42
- Shit I Gotta F*cking Get Done Notepad - 2-Pack - $10.64
- The Tech Hoodie - $124.95
- Match Striker - $28.01