If Men Wrote Women’s Magazines

Women get all kinds of advice from magazines from how to dress to how to please a man in the bedroom, and even what to cook for us. And while it’s not all bad (with hotties like Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba on the cover) these mags are lacking much needed male insights. For example, we’re actually not that interested in your hair and we definitely don’t care about your shoes. Don’t get us wrong, we love the heels… we just don’t see why you need so many pairs that quite frankly, to us look the same. But if Women’s magazines were actually written by men, there wouldn’t be so much confusion about what we want. Here are some article titles, written by men that get straight to the point.











By Related Items: Articles, Features, Humor, The Roundup, Women.


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  • Duane

    Is Alec the only person who understood? They are not only portraying women as people who exist only to attract a man, they are also portraying men who have only the baser lusts. They are saying that men think ONLY with their stomach or sex organ, whichever is louder at any given moment. They are saying that neither sex has any higher brain functions. I think they did a good job of giving us a very humorous lesson that both sexes would be better off by actually using their brains. Judging by many of the comments, I think that there are many people of both sexes that should try to understand this lesson.

  • bleepbloop

    You forgot the article in Vogue about why 3 way sex with your wife’s/girlfriend’s best friend is key to a healthy relationship.

  • Chris

    I always find it interesting that men sneer at the so-called “frivolous” things that women “care” about like shoes and makeup and hair…but at the same time, if their wives or girlfriends suddenly stopped paying attention to those things, they’d be gone so fast their neck would snap. I think it may be more appropriate to say that men don’t want to *discuss* those things…but they care.

  • Nathan

    Its quite insulting that what your saying is all men think about is beer, handjobs, sex

  • Annie

    “I’m a bit surprised that so many people are so polarized on both sides. That’s the best reason for satire and for having this conversation: it makes people think about these things. What you and I may think is obvious is apparently not so to everyone.”

    Totally agree Chris — thank you! I wish the people on this thread were more open to conversation.

  • http://thestrangefeelingproject.webs.com/index.swf Arya

    Did you just say that Jesus gave a good fingering?

    HAHA

  • Hunter

    I’m sure if someone were to do this to Mens’ mags from a woman’s point of view the pendulum would swing back the other way. Some people (on both sides) need to lighten up. If you are a guy and taking this seriously then you may be a bit too shallow to attract a long standing relationship with a good woman. If you are a woman taking offense to this then there might be some deeper issues/resentment that needs to be addressed. A lot of good satire is derived from a polarized view of a certain topic. That’s what makes this kind of satire funny. Yes, there is some truth to the “guys point of view” here but it is not meant as a strike at what is good but more a stab at the drivel that is pumped out into our vein and somewhat disjointed society.

  • james

    Ok idea. Unambitious, unfunny, predictable executions:

    “want him to pop the question – learn to cook like his mother”?

    put some effort into it.

  • http://freezingkiss.blogspot.com Claire

    This is a piece of shit. Why? Because Womens magazines already look exactly like this. Womens magazines are targeted at a brainless, oversexed, over-egoed bunch of bitches, and I am sorry, but if men were editing womens magazines, they’d probably be actually readable.

    How about reading mens magazines (no, NOT the porn ones)? ONE or TWO SMALL sections about sex, then it’s all how to get fit, think right, eat right and chill.

    Heres my advice to todays female populus. STOP having such high egoes of yourselves and thinking that men are pieces of shit. Because it’s simply not true.

    In a nutshell. Womens magazines already look like this. ALREADY.

  • http://www.momlogic.com/bloggers/momstrosity/stories/ ANdrea

    I saw only one potential problem with your experiment: If men took over women’s magazines, who would write men’s magazines?

    Problem solved: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/02/if_women_wrote_mens_magazines.php

  • Eric

    I think it’s odd how people assume this is all men want, I mean yea I would love if a woman who dated me was great at sex and could cook. I know I taught myself to cook and try to learn everything I can at sex. I would also love a woman with her own hobbies and didn’t mind if I bought a tv if we had the money. I think if a woman did this stuff I would be amazed, but i’m not going to expect her to do this, a woman who is independent minded is a huge turn on. Most of those topics talked about how men like women with curves and don’t dress up in all that ridiculous underwear. I agree that how it was worded was sensationalized but that how magazines write. In my mind if a woman can read this and laugh I will appreciate her, if she learns to use altoids… I will appreciate her a lot more.

  • Rita

    Good God everyone it’s all in good humor. I thought it was hilarious. I love to read Cosmo but I don’t take it seriously. It’s just something fun to read. And yes, for your information, I read “real” books too, and not Harlequins before you start assuming that’s all I read.

    I think the women on the fake covers are gorgeous and have beautiful bodies. Hey, if you have it, why not flaunt it?

    I’m married to a wonderful man who isn’t the average man. He doesn’t leave the toilet seat up, he takes out the garbage, helps out around the house, helps cook dinner, helps with the kids. Yeah we have our issues but who doesn’t? I do have my own hobbies, always have, always will. I have a life outside my (gasp) kids and hubby.

    See, women can be sexy and smart. I think some women are upset by this because they’re not viewed as sexy by most men.

    It’s satire people. Laugh and get over yourselves. Life is too short to take yourselves so seriously.

    Is it hard to walk with that stick so far up your a$$?

  • Shannon

    If you subscribe to those actual magazines you shouldn’t need to after a full year subscription. The next year they just throw all the same information back in; you never get anything new, it’s all recycled info. I think it would be a lot healthier for women to know what men really think. Most men like you to have your own personality and be comfortable being who you are without making excuses for it. Some guys will dig you, some won’t. That’s just how it works on both the male and female sides.

  • Pete

    @ANdrea “http://www.momlogic.com/2010/02/if_women_wrote_mens_magazines.php” is funny as hell!!! Megan Fox airbrushed for 8 hours… LOL Nice find!

    I found it as amusing as the magazine mock-ups/ satire here… and that the thing, this is meant to be funny, you know for laughs – any guy or gal who takes this seriously deserves the results they get. Sure, some people don’t think it’s funny – fine, let them stew about about… maybe somewhere it hit a nerve.

    And @Katy
    “I am so appalled by these images. Women are already instructed by these magazines to do things the way men want it, and without considering their wants and desires. These images are bringing it to an entirely different level – a much more extreme level. I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.”
    You DO or have read these kind of magazines, right? This is same thing they put in those just without the sugarcoating and fashion. If you are so appalled by these images, well these images “grace” countless newsstands, supermarkets, and bookstores on a daily basis. This and the link ANdrea posted (which I copied) make fun of those and serve to highlight the problem. The problem isn’t men or what men want, it’s rags like Vogue, Maxim, Cosmo, etc. that capitalize on the insecurities of women and men. I wonder how many relationships have been saved by these articles and conversely how many have been broken? And before you or anyone else gets on their high horse and soapbox about how I’m some sort of shallow scumbag I have been happily married for almost 18 years now to the same wonderful woman who is my lover, best friend, and soulmate.

    But I digress – these are funny as hell, keep up the good work.

  • shauna

    I really enjoyed this, it made me laugh, and I shared it with my boyfriend because I knew he would enjoy it too.

    I have two notes though:
    While I appreciate the satirical take of men writing those ridiculous advice columns that show up in women’s magazines, I think I laughed MORE at the articles about shoes, hair and underwear, mostly because they’re so very off the mark. Women don’t hear shoes, do their hair and wear Victoria Secret just for men. These things feel nice, look good, and impress other women. Still funny, though.

    And just a note to the commenters on here, just because the word is posted above, but for some reason it keeps being spelled wrong since: it’s KEGELS. NOT KEAGLES. When I read ‘keagles’ I think of beagles.
    And it really is the most important 5 minutes of the day, isn’t it?

  • Bob

    It’s satire? goddamnit :/ and here I thought that society had changed and it wasn’t JUST about keeping chicks happy anymore

  • volha

    ha ha ha. too funny!!! and afraid all of it true!!!!

  • shibs

    @ Nathan “Its quite insulting that what your saying is all men think about is beer, handjobs, sex” your exactly right! Baseball and Hockey round out the top 5.

  • Amanda

    um…So what if a man DOES take this seriously?? What if it’s not “just a joke” and what men secretly really want? What is so bad about a man wanting a hand job?? Or thinking girls look better without bras on?
    My thoughts: Hand job; was less work than a blow job. Haha, and not to say that it’s work really. Lets face it, it turns women on to turn men on. We want to please our men as much as they want to please us and want us to please them. Is that rambling? Sort of.
    Bras: I LOVE cute little strapy sundresses and tank tops…but I’m on the larger side of average. I have it in my head that since I don’t have small boobs, i can’t wear the type of clothing that require no bra. Why? My husband always asks me “why do you NEED a bra? You look BETTER without one!” Wait a second…men like it better if they can see the natural shape of your breast? They don’t want to see a perfectly rounded smooth silhouette created by an expensive bra specifically designed to make your boobs look “perfect”? Why spend $82 (seriously, I have my unwanted Instyle magazine that I accidentally signed up for when I bought something opened to a page with a bra on it for that price) on a f*ing bra then???
    Also, uncomfortable. Yes! Bras are uncomfortable! SHOCKING! When I get home from work, the first thing I do is take off my bra! And guess what?!?! It makes BOTH my husband and me MUCH happier!!!!
    So, do I rant a ramble? Yes. Deal with it. My point is, it’s a freaking joke and it’s funny and there is nothing wrong with it and it’s not sexist (Boys like beer and boobs. Girls like shoes and gossip. DERRRR! It’s a fact.)
    Okay I guess I’m finished. People need to lighten up.

    Awesome…enjoyed it very much! :-)

  • Kimone

    haha! I wish they had these articles. These are hilarious!! Finally a magazine of what guys really want, I think the divorce rate will decline and everyone would b extremely happy. lol Yeah, I like shoes and clothing, but Im not rich (college student here), so I hate reading about buying this expensive clothing and what girls think about this and that, I already know that duuhhh, Im a girl. If I find out what guys want, :P all girls could b the queen of more pleaurehood.

  • liz

    I used to read these magazines when I was single til one day I thought wait a minute…I am NOT these girls and I don’t want a guy like they are trying to get me to attract. I stopped reading them, acted like myself and now I am extremly happy with an amazing boyfriend. All that said…I did find these headlines funny, cause afterall they were just meant as a joke! -Liz

  • Amanda’s Boobs

    Yeah and we like it when she takes off the bra too!!!
    Way to go Amanda!!

  • Emmett

    A lot of women are looking at this way too seriously. It’s a guy ripping on the banality and stupidity of women’s magazines, the shallowness of it is for humor. I’d say it’s a good response to the “50 ways to please your man” articles. Dave Chapelle was right when he said that list is only 4 things long

    Suck on his d*ck
    Play with his balls
    make him a sandwich
    and don’t talk so much.

    Although the list might sound sexist, it’s not, it’s just the truth.

  • Woodnick

    I only read half of the posts and got tired.
    Girls. FFS.
    It is satirical, but not as much as you think: these fun covers are waaay closer to the male taste than the original magazines.
    This is not a joke – the joke is that you girls think “it is a joke”, and go on reading the BS stuff you see in the real mags.
    Joe B. has right.

    Of course there are a lot of **** type of guys (like Mark) who think they can get a girlfriend easier if they talk things girls want to hear, but the truth is that deep down most men are like the good old man stereotype.
    It is not about how we handle the women, it is about how we feel comfortable, and what we are interested in.
    Annie: men are simple, or at least their demands are – get used to it.
    Yes, we are not interested in 90% of the things you want to give us, and we are interested in a lot of things you don’t want to give.
    Sorry for being different from your dream princes.

    Erica: these magazines may run by guys, but they are money-oriented: they give women that they want to read, and not the truth.
    Rosanne: it’s not about USA. I’m from the other side of our little planet. Yes, we are simple all around the world, and you girls are sooo complicated and clever – familiar thought, isn’t it? Yes, you’ve read this in cosmo.
    Ah, got bored.

  • http://www.twitmeon.com/ John

    :) :) :) these just made my day. Really great, I will pass to my wife . :)