Women get all kinds of advice from magazines from how to dress to how to please a man in the bedroom, and even what to cook for us. And while it’s not all bad (with hotties like Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba on the cover) these mags are lacking much needed male insights. For example, we’re actually not that interested in your hair and we definitely don’t care about your shoes. Don’t get us wrong, we love the heels… we just don’t see why you need so many pairs that quite frankly, to us look the same. But if Women’s magazines were actually written by men, there wouldn’t be so much confusion about what we want. Here are some article titles, written by men that get straight to the point.
© 2012 Dartboard Media
Brilliant! I never comment on posts because I feel like it takes too much time…but for this one, I will! WELLLLLL DONE!
Here one from us girls
Keagles- Because lets face it, he’s done growning
I am so appalled by these images. Women are already instructed by these magazines to do things the way men want it, and without considering their wants and desires. These images are bringing it to an entirely different level – a much more extreme level. I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.
I love this! I wish these were real articles I could read.
Funny, it doesn’t look *that* much different from what’s on the covers now…more honest, maybe…but not that much different.
‘I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.’
No it isn’t – it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.
The problem is these magazines. The island of Fiji used to have a 0% rate of eating disorders amongst the native female population. Within a year of western billboards and western women’s magazines showing up, the island had its first incidents of eating disorders.
Ey Kathy… haven’t gotten any in a while?
Katy,
Please. Everything about dating and relationships are about “pleasing” women. Girls are literally trained from birth in the ways of manipulating men. From getting them to spend money on them to scheduling all their free time for them, women control every aspect of value in a relationship.
All the man asks for is a meal, a clean house, clean clothes, and sexual satisfaction (which women also enjoy, plus oh-so-easy for them to get at any given moment). Sure, she might do this, but with attitude and bitching (notice the penis size joke above, such an old and tired gag.. Makes you wonder if a girl isn’t happy until she can be fisted)
In a perfect relationship, the above is done with enthusiasm, from both sides! ..with a partner that’s a friend AND fun to be with.
Just some honesty..
-Joe
It would be nice if they would put something up about how getting breast augmentation only attracts immature/trashy men. Smart/decent men find the whole idea blatantly manipulative and insulting. If women asked men what they thought about it, they would never do such things.
I love it that Jessica Simpson said (back when she was married to Nick) that she loves that he thinks she is sexy in “just” a white t-shirt. Well duh! That really isn’t as big a feat as most women seem to think. We don’t care about your lingerie. We seriously don’t – except maybe for the guys who secretly wear it behind your backs.
Do you have any evidence to back up this assertion, “matt”?
Hahahha xD I laughed so hard, this is brilliant!
I love the honesty and straightforwardness ^^ and it’s formulated beautifully, and there’s actually a lot of subjects here that would indeed attract female readers
Here one for Nono
Keagles- Because no one like a loose vagina.
Hey Katy, its people like you that are the reason why the divorce rate is so high
LOL. Stop freaking out! It’s just a bit of fun. Would everyone have such ploarized reactions if a team of women redid covers of Nuts or Loaded. Let’s not get nasty and try and take it for what it is: some fun! Lighten up!
wow katy, i always thought it was a joke that women really thought men wanted them to do what those magazines say… a bad joke.
great article guys.
@ cornelius mcdingleberry. here’s your proof: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/347637.stm
next time use some sense and try searching key words like fiji eating disorder works like a charm 99% of the time
The sad part is that I’d rather read a lot of these articles. And I’m glad someone is making a stand against the “va -jay-jay” epidemic. People really need to never use that word.
“it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.”
Matt – I really want to see it that way, and maybe it partially WAS meant that way, but I have a question for you (and maybe all the guys on this thread):
Do you think that there are men out there who would actually take headlines like these seriously, and see them as “true”, so to speak? As in, NOT satire?
Just curious. This is not meant to be confrontational; I’m just genuinely wondering what guys really think about this.
I find those magazines to be a joke, as have all the men I’ve dated (otherwise they would definitely not have a chance with me). I once read those things when I was young and as I grew up, the only time I looked at them was when I had to do research on popular trends due to my previous sales job. Its funny how people follow and believe these magazines as if they were the holy bible to how they should live their lives and how they should look. Intelligence and knowledge of self rule.
Thus, awesome shop jobs. Made me giggle.
I’m a chick and I approved this message. As long as no one takes it 100% seriously. Bravo.
Annie-
No, the men that deserve attention from women do not actually think like this. Rather it’s the men that was aforementioned- trashy and immature- that believe this. Don’t date trashy guys and you’ll have your answer.
I actually think a lot of the headlines are spot on, im not gonna go into detail, but a lot of girls do need lessons in the art of giving handjobs.
OK…and where is this news?
By the way, you don’t earn because you feel the need to be the MAN around women, you do it because you don’t want to feel like the GIRL to your manfriends.
Cars, how expensive make a terrible place to live in. And mostly, you are fond of women’s’ shoes. I know, because I’m a woman who hates shoes and I see you looking away from my mountain boots….not all but all those posers do.
@Annie,
It’s pretty obvious satire. I assume that the men who wouldn’t get it are about as intelligent as the women who take it completely seriously.
Are you really that hard in facing reality, what a thrashing of Katy. Could it be, men dislike women standing up for herself? One could actually think that….
It’s this blunt reactions, not seeing eye to eye to each others issues, that causes drifts: not any issue in itself.
To say this is “what men want” is to buy into a bunch of BS, marketing-driven tropes about what men _should_ want. As they are presented here, they still form a representation of what women should be, and it’s not positive. Sexist to everyone concerned, in my opinionf. If you’re not concerned, then YOU are the problem.
I think it is actually pretty funny and not that far from the truth of these magazines. Most of them are about how to get a guy to like you, stay with you, and how to please him. Even if they aren’t trashy, for example Good Housekeeping is about how to impress other people either by cooking the perfect meal or creating cutesy crafts or how to decorate to impress. Are they shallow?? Yes! I hate to admit it I have a subscription to Glamour (I’m not trying to find a man, I am happily married) But let me tell you, some of the sex tips in the magazine has not only benefited my husband, but me as well. People need to relax.
way to funny
Al & Mark,
Interesting. But then why is stuff like this funny? You’re saying it’s really just men poking fun at themselves? But are they poking fun at their “true selves” and “desires” or what the media makes them out to be?
And where did these stereotypical ideas about “what men want” come from in the first place? Men? Women? Society? The media?
I tend to agree with what Jonathan said — Even in a “joking” light, I still see stuff like this as a kind of unhealthy way to perpetuate gender stereotypes.
Call me a killjoy, but if this is humor then it’s boring, exhausted humor. “Hahaha! Men like handjobs! And naked women! And beer! And exploding on women’s faces!” Hokay…. we get it.
@Jonathan – thank goodness there’s a least one man on here that doesn’t scare the living shite out of me.
Pretty sure a lot of women’s magazines were run by guys since the 1910s.
That is simply awesome!
Your suggestions are in VERY poor taste. Thanks for proving, yet again, that men in the USA function at the lowest level in Maslow’s hierarchy, lower than slugs.
I’m sure your mother,mother-in-law, sisters, aunts and grandmothers, and any women you work with in the workplace… are incredibly PROUD of the way you denigrate them on this blog.
LOL! Hilarious!…. @ annie you need to chill. If you really want to know about sexism and history why don’t you go to your local university and do some research. Other then that, I give mad props to whoever created this. HAHAHA!
From a married woman’s point of view, I have to say this article was aweswome. Those magazines are a threat to a real woman’s livelihood andshoudl be banned. The average man in America really doesn’t want a girl with the body of a 12 year old boy and they really do like a girl who can cook– maybe BETTER than their mother. Thank you for setting the record straight with this article.
@Annie – I can see where you are coming from but some of those “articles” are true. Like “Have your own hobbies” The amount of women I have dated that don’t have any hobbies and think that therefore I shouldn’t have any is amazing.
Oh come onnnnn I hate it when some women are like ‘omggg thats sooo sexist!’ its a joke! and its a bloody hilarious one! hahaha this is great! i love the highlights one and the tv one hahaha
The point is HUMOR. LOL. Yall are dumb.
I want a subscription to all these mags.
Funny, and makes just as much fun of men as it does women.
Awesome front pages. I dig every one of these…
I am a woman and I would so read that:) It always good to know what men actually have in their minds, because well.. they’re not always telling us you know.
Katy got it exactly right: These images are appalling. These magazines alts are satirical, all right (pretty much by definition), but that isn’t the point. When one considers these images in context, the motive behind them reveals itself not as artistic, nor egalitarian, nor feminist, nor purely for entertainment. The motive here is resentment–resentment toward women and resentment at our society’s efforts toward sexual equality, which comes at the expense of men who used to be able to get away with anything but now have to remember in their daily behavior that their female counterparts are fellow human beings and not just sex objects.
What’s interesting here is that the motive, resentment, is proven as clearly by the comments attacking Katy as by the magazine alts themselves. I expect no better from a site as shallow as this one, but it’s no less horrifying just because the source is dodgy. Some of you have a lot to learn about being human beyond the fourth grade level.
Very funny, you should do more of these.
“it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.” Matt, why are men shallow if it’s women who read these magazines and their demands dictate what these magazines publish. Nothing to do with men here, if anything it’s the shallowness of women who pay good money to read this rubbish..
Looks like we’ve got a gaggle of feminazis in the crowd today. You are the exact audience these satirical mag covers are meant to twist panties (or in your cases granny undies) into a bunch.
When you actually find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you lose the whole attitude of who is supposed to do what and when. It’s not about who’s job it is to cook or clean or how you should look. It’s about doing things that make the person you love happy. I’ve been with my man for 4 years and I have never made the same meal twice. Seriously. I make him hot lunches, dinners, and bake at least once a week. And I like it. He can go where he wants, when he wants, and there’s no jealousy or calling him twenty times to check up on him. Whenever I don’t feel like having sex, I give him a bl** job–usually takes less time anyway. HA! Do you know what I get in return for this? The lawn mowed, the dishes done, and a man that would rather spend time w/me than his boys. And do you know why? Because I realized how little it takes to make a man happy. I’m not sitting here getting all women’s lib about making dinner. I still work full time and I handle the finances. Rather than fight it, it’s much easier to realize that I am a damn good cook and I SHOULD get my ass in the kitchen. LOL.
If men wrote women’s magazine, Paris Hilton will never be in the cover. Too skinny…
good stuff, hilarious and more true than any woman can admit to herself.
As far as the uppity women bitching about the article, take the stick out, life is more fun without it. Otherwise you end up living alone with 8 cats watching lifetime and clipping coupons.
in fact, some hot women magazine were founded by men, e.g Paul Schlicht for Cosmopolitan and Arthur Baldwin for Vogue.
God bless you Christina. You are a credit to your gender
“Pete” nailed it on the head; it makes fun of men as much as it does women, and the social stereotypes we all deal with on a daily basis.
If anything is a cause for concern, its the ACTUAL magazines that publish similar (i.e. worded differently) material, and those should be dealt with accordingly; not here where the only intention is humour.
to “Your Conscience”………….your comments are completely inappropriate and offensive. not to mention blasphemous, sexist, and misanthropic. please stop posting here. and then, go buy a vibrator.
how about a magazine on how men can keep the attention of women? Men are so concerned about the woman looking great and stating in shape when the majority of men have pot bellies, flabby arms and double chins! Shall we address the hygiene of men down south?? It’s important for both sexes to pay attention to presentation and how to lease to opposite sex. Women know more about the male body then men will ever have a desire to know about the female body. sad fact. Step it up fellas!!
Trae- that is a valid point. but this satire is not about men keeping the attention of women, its about women keeping the attention of men. do you have a stronger argument against this other than highlighting the concerns of the polar opposite?
This Is Some Funny Stuff, Really Clever.
And For “MY” 2 Cents: It’s Just A Joke, Stop Taking Things So Serious. Is Sociaty Really Like That? Nope! The Media Has Done. In Other Words (MINE): Smile, Laugh And Stop B!tch!ng
@Your Conscience:
You are the reason men act this way. Shut up, and go back to your liberal life style and stay off posts that are clearly meant to be taken as humor. I hope you slam your prius into a wall.
Oh come on. This is clearly a satire on both the magazines and upon both men and female stereotypes. Reading any further into what it says about sex equality and relationships is ridiculous. The authors clearly did not intend as much, and so should not be read as much. Enjoy it. Laugh about it. Don’t take it so seriously.
@Annie: It’s not like people are reading this and nodding vigorously while referencing it as a bible for future relationships. It’s something that we laugh about, and some of the points that it makes are relevant, while most of them are not.
@Conscious: I want to argue that your stance is completely ridiculous, but there’s no point. You’ve already decided, and I’m not gonna waste my time trying to argue against someone who reads for deeper motives in a humorous posting. Take a joke for what it is.
Oh, come on, Kathy!!!! this was funny! and Joe, you are a prick. why does everything have to turn into an argument? cant we just laugh, and dont be offended for everything? I am a girl, very independent, feminist girl, and I thought this was very funny!!!
I agree with Alma. I am quick to condemn media that promote sexism, but I think the conspicuous nature of this humorous display renders it a powerful parody of this type of magazine…The type of magazine that ARE all about getting in shape, and pleasing your man…way more insidious sexism…
This was lame. And considering it just reinforced all the stupid male stereotypes, that’s not saying much for either sex. Just immature. Women aren’t just a play thing (with no brain of their own). The real magazines are a laughing stock already, these just took it to another level!
@Daniel: yeah the headlines aren’t all that bad.
@Zoe: Completely agree! But I also think stuff like this provides an ideal setting to discuss things like media effects and gender stereotyping, since it’s a more relaxed atmosphere and people are less likely to be heated over it. I mean, why DO people find this humorous? Overall I just think it’s really interesting and I wish people wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss any questions about its cultural implications as “feminazi bullshit” or something of the sort.
@ray – I’m actually already doing that (research at a university), but thanks.
@ray, @phil—I don’t know, maybe this isn’t the right thread to pose these kinds of questions; I thought I could maybe get some insights from both men and women on here, but I can see that a lot of people just want to shut down the conversation completely. Phil, I have to disagree with you that things like this shouldn’t be discussed any further because they’re simply “humorous”. Humor and satire are vital parts of our culture; forgive me for wanting to discuss it further in a message board—I’m just genuinely curious! Sheesh. It’s ironic that you guys think I’m “taking it so seriously” or “need to chill” when y’all seem riled up about me even asking the questions in the first place.
everything will always offend someone, and nothing will ever be perfectly understood by everyone. those are not logical reasons to rule out any kind of humor, whether you like it and find it funny or not. or else, we would be living in a world where joking is not allowed.
the politically correct movement is killing comedy.
To the girl at the top. Let me refine your comment.
Here one from us girls
Keagles- Because you can’t undo the damage of the 20 guy gangbang you had in college
Cheers
lol !! this is too funny and may b too realistic
I have an issue of INSTYLE magazine right beside me, and no lie, this is what’s on the cover:
“Thinner By Tonight”
“20 Amazing Heels You Can Walk In”
“Perfect Skin”
“Sexy Now! Gorgeous hair & make-up how to”
I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.
The assumption for the joke is, as always, that everything women do is because they think it’s what men want them to do. Men, I know it may be impossible to fathom, but get this, IT AIN’T ALL ABOUT YOU!!
That said… the joke is still funny.
a joke is a joke, for those feminists that want to argue a point argue that pricks like Tiger Woods should not be allowed to hold a press conference during the Olympics so peole can feel sorry for him. He is a great golfer and will be remembered as such, He screwed up ( literally ) so now lets forget about him and move on. giving him Air Time right now is wrong
Women’s magazines have nothing to do with what men want. It’s about what the diet and fashion industries want – neurotic women who think they can never be perfect and must therefore give all their money to said industries.
Show a man in the real world a “women’s magazine” – even the ones which purport to be all about attracting men – and he’ll have no idea what the hell the articles are talking about, or why anyone would be interested in them.
Seriously – guys don’t want you to look like a starving stick in clown makeup who never eats anything with more than one calorie and has an encyclopedic knowledge of C-list celebrities. It’s actually not all that attractive.
Dear Annie
I am sure there are men out there who would be capable of taking these headlines seriously, they are called the lowest common denominator and it isn’t healthy to base decisions on what they may or may not think – if you start down that road you’ll just drive yourself nuts. I think most people see it as a joke, it’s hardly cutting edge material, but I’d argue that women’s magazines are a wholly deserving object for satire.
I certainly don’t take your question as confrontational, this is a forum after all and the point is to discuss things.
Yours non-confrontationally
Okay this was hilarious! I would actually read those magazines if they had these articles….I always thought it was stupid to ask women how to turn on men. To Katy, Annie and the rest of these uptight women posting on here….maybe if you actually did some of those things on the covers you would not ranting about how horrible they are….By the way…the Altoid trick put a ring on my finger…..LOL
Wow. This obviously hit a nerve with some people.
@YourConscience
“What’s interesting here is that the motive, resentment, is proven as clearly by the comments attacking Katy as by the magazine alts themselves. I expect no better from a site as shallow as this one, but it’s no less horrifying just because the source is dodgy. Some of you have a lot to learn about being human beyond the fourth grade level.”
While i agree with most of what you said, it’s kind of embarrassing to notice that you obviously frequent this sight that you slam “shallow” and “dodgy”.
@matt: Definitely agree, and you make good points.
I definitely don’t assume “all men” are a certain way (or “all women”, obviously), but I do think cultural trends like this are interesting. Thanks for at least understanding what I was trying to get at!
@aisha: Maybe you didn’t read my comments in depth, or maybe you didn’t understand them. I’m not sure what you’re implying about me “doing the things on the covers”.. I’m in a happy relationship and you seem to be too — you don’t need to attack or assume things about people.
I get a kick out of the men who claim that this is not how we truly feel. You’re right, there’s nothing worse then a hand job and a delicious meal. I believe 90% of those articles are valid 97% of the time. I’m not just saying this to be contrary, I really do subscribe to all of those theories. Life is good and my wife is an incredibly strong, brilliant, and independent person.
And if any one of you even considers forwarding this response to her, I’ll hunt you down.
this is a pure stroke of genius.somebody knows fish from fowl.
Christina put it perfectly.
I do whatever I can to make my man happy because I enjoy it and he does the same for me. We both make occaisional sacrifices. I feel sorry for all you women up there who haven’t found someone who you enjoy making happy and enjoys making you happy, even if it takes a little sacrifice sometimes.
I would suggest bettering your chances at happiness with a man by lightening up and chilling out.
I’d soon walk in a pile of doggie do than buy a “woman’s magazine.”
Sadly, so many young women do not even recogize that they are being denigrated. That’s when you know your oppression is complete.
I’m a lady and I think your article titles are hilarious! There’s even one I’d read. (Hmmm… wonder what that “1 position” is.) Still, the reason this wouldn’t work is that there’d be no room left for all the important things that make girls different from guys: keeping our skin clear, tummies tight, buying clothes that are right for our body types, etc. Face it, if we didn’t look and smell good, you guys’ interest would drop 90%. =)
Jeeez people, enough with the stereotypes and jackass assumptions! Just because some women on here are expressing their opinion about this doesn’t mean that they automatically are lonely, miserable and ugly. I found these magazine covers stupid too, but god forbid I say anything about it or people will assume I’m some bitter old shrew who “wouldn’t be complaining if you had a guy to make you happy”. Please.
Lets cut to the chase, humor or nor, satire or not, the fact is that if women read “women’s magazines” to get men then they should at least be getting good advice. Marketing deems what young women are told is sexy behavior, but marketers are trying to sell products, not actually get these women a date. If the woman lands a man, ahe doenn’t need a magazine to give her more advice about how to do so. Their agenda is to sell magazines, and therefore market products. Might as well tell them what men really want, or would ya prefer to be lead around the yard by a chain?
Just some sexist jokes… not real funny to me. These jokes just add to the problem.
Christina … ahhh a woman with intelligence – your husband is a very lucky man (do you have a sister?)
To everyone who think this is denigrating to women, you are right. You should never be privy to the truth, it just not right. If the magazines were in the business of telling the truth rather than filling your heads with frivolous fantasies they wouldn’t be in trouble would they.
No man will take this seriously. Everyone knows that it is satire, however all good satire is based on reality and there are some basic truths mixed in to all the ridicilous headlines about women fetching beer and gaining weight etc.
heh by now the comments has become even more amusing than the joke itself.
What is people bitching about!? seriously?
I actually think that most of the headlines are valid, and I dont see how they can be offending or degrading at all (it may be becuase im a guy, but Id like to think its not).
There is nothing wrong with learning about how to please your man, as well as guys learning about how to please their women. This “joke” is just focused on the male pow, there is really nothing to get hot and bothered about.
I love this article! It was forwarded to me by a male friend who I have come to love and respect for always keeping it real. If women and men would TALK, and not believe the things that are stereotypical about each other, relationships would flourish. Communication is the most important ingredient in a relationship..”honest” communication. Spend a day watching sports with him, get his beer, order his favorite pizza, when the games are over, wear his Jersey..and only his Jersey to bed. He’ll see you in a different light. Appreciate each other, indulge each other, laugh together.. Be Happy!
Geeeezzzz.
Ladies, ya’ll are missing the point.
Women that want men to be more like women…
These women are confused, what they are really asking for…
.
wait for it….
.
.
other women!
On the other hand, (and women should learn to use both)
men want women that like men to be men, and know how to get the most out of their men by being a woman! (Wow…what a concept!)
And, men don’t care if women have good taste, only if they taste good!
Why is this a problem?
LADIES!
The satire behind all of this is that womens interest magazines are written BY women. Women are giving advice to other women on men. If you wanted “100 Ways to Please Your Man,” wouldn’t you want it written BY a man??? And not by some lady with a PhD… who could have the worst love/sex life in the world for all you know
I’m a bit surprised that so many people are so polarized on both sides. That’s the best reason for satire and for having this conversation: it makes people think about these things. What you and I may think is obvious is apparently so to everyone.
I meant to say “apparently not so”
I never post things, but had to here. If you feel a man is sexist, dump him/avoid him. If you feel a woman is manipulative, dump her/avoid her. Men and women are such large groups, nothing can be acomplished by a blanket statement. Treat all people as individuals, and all situations as unique. Almost everyone here is unbelievably stupid and ignorant. Especially the women who feel this denegrates society. Really? Then stop buying the magazines if it offends you. Because men are not the ones buying them.
IT”S A JOKE. GEEZ. GET OVER YOURSELVES. NO INTELLIGENT PERSON WAS SERIOUSLY THINKING “Wow, this is aweseome.” Level headed people can see it’s an exaggerated satire about women’s magazines being too preachy, and men being stereotypically shallow.
You know, I’m a level headed guy with a high paying job and responsibilities. But sometimes, on my down time, I LIKE FOURTH GRADE Crass Humour. I’m not going to be pretentious and say “how neanderthal.” No way. Life’s too much fun to think EVERYTHING should follow one’s own moral standards.
Some women posting here with too much insecurity were thinking “This is an affront to my womanhood.” For which I pity them. Cause they’re reading their own insecurities into it. No one else is doing so but them. They obviously don’t have the ability to laugh at life once in a while.
awesome article………
I agree with what several guys (and maybe girls) said above. The thing is, most guys don’t put these pressures on women. Women do!! Men don’t write these magazines. Okay, maybe a few guys are on the staff, but half of them are gay. Women are the ones who make other women feel inadequate because they don’t wear a size 4. Most men I know wouldn’t even think of dating a woman below a size 10. That’s just my experience, granted, but I know a lot of guys. LOL If you are a women who buys these magazines thinking the speak truth, you’re extremely naive. I don’t think I have ever even opened one, and I’m certainly the better for it. Lighten up! This is a joke, and even though it has a ring of truth to it, it’s hilarious!!!
Lovely. And then women can take over men’s magazines and write articles like: Why Taking a Shower and Using Deodorant Make You up to Ten Times More Attractive, Why Beer is Ten Times Better if You Get it Yourself, Perfectly Manly Topics other than Computers, Cars and Sports to use in Conversation with Women, 10 Ways to Perform a Quiet Left-Hand Check that will Keep You from Looking Like an Idiot, and finally How to Make Your Own F-ing Sandwich: Detailed Instructions from the Mother who Apparently Failed You.
Love em. I’ve had to make plenty of fake magazine covers for work, these are a great inspiration.
aha.. for every 1 chick who needs lessons in handjobs, there are about 10 guys who need lessons in workin’ a vagina.. it’s such a let down when were so well trained, and reciprocation turns into ‘jesus ill just do it myself’
Correction: I’m sure Jesus knew how to touch a lady
pretty much the only requirement of handjobs is having hands. and you still fuck up
Is Alec the only person who understood? They are not only portraying women as people who exist only to attract a man, they are also portraying men who have only the baser lusts. They are saying that men think ONLY with their stomach or sex organ, whichever is louder at any given moment. They are saying that neither sex has any higher brain functions. I think they did a good job of giving us a very humorous lesson that both sexes would be better off by actually using their brains. Judging by many of the comments, I think that there are many people of both sexes that should try to understand this lesson.
You forgot the article in Vogue about why 3 way sex with your wife’s/girlfriend’s best friend is key to a healthy relationship.
I always find it interesting that men sneer at the so-called “frivolous” things that women “care” about like shoes and makeup and hair…but at the same time, if their wives or girlfriends suddenly stopped paying attention to those things, they’d be gone so fast their neck would snap. I think it may be more appropriate to say that men don’t want to *discuss* those things…but they care.
Its quite insulting that what your saying is all men think about is beer, handjobs, sex
“I’m a bit surprised that so many people are so polarized on both sides. That’s the best reason for satire and for having this conversation: it makes people think about these things. What you and I may think is obvious is apparently not so to everyone.”
Totally agree Chris — thank you! I wish the people on this thread were more open to conversation.
Did you just say that Jesus gave a good fingering?
HAHA
I’m sure if someone were to do this to Mens’ mags from a woman’s point of view the pendulum would swing back the other way. Some people (on both sides) need to lighten up. If you are a guy and taking this seriously then you may be a bit too shallow to attract a long standing relationship with a good woman. If you are a woman taking offense to this then there might be some deeper issues/resentment that needs to be addressed. A lot of good satire is derived from a polarized view of a certain topic. That’s what makes this kind of satire funny. Yes, there is some truth to the “guys point of view” here but it is not meant as a strike at what is good but more a stab at the drivel that is pumped out into our vein and somewhat disjointed society.
Ok idea. Unambitious, unfunny, predictable executions:
“want him to pop the question – learn to cook like his mother”?
put some effort into it.
This is a piece of shit. Why? Because Womens magazines already look exactly like this. Womens magazines are targeted at a brainless, oversexed, over-egoed bunch of bitches, and I am sorry, but if men were editing womens magazines, they’d probably be actually readable.
How about reading mens magazines (no, NOT the porn ones)? ONE or TWO SMALL sections about sex, then it’s all how to get fit, think right, eat right and chill.
Heres my advice to todays female populus. STOP having such high egoes of yourselves and thinking that men are pieces of shit. Because it’s simply not true.
In a nutshell. Womens magazines already look like this. ALREADY.
I saw only one potential problem with your experiment: If men took over women’s magazines, who would write men’s magazines?
Problem solved: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/02/if_women_wrote_mens_magazines.php
I think it’s odd how people assume this is all men want, I mean yea I would love if a woman who dated me was great at sex and could cook. I know I taught myself to cook and try to learn everything I can at sex. I would also love a woman with her own hobbies and didn’t mind if I bought a tv if we had the money. I think if a woman did this stuff I would be amazed, but i’m not going to expect her to do this, a woman who is independent minded is a huge turn on. Most of those topics talked about how men like women with curves and don’t dress up in all that ridiculous underwear. I agree that how it was worded was sensationalized but that how magazines write. In my mind if a woman can read this and laugh I will appreciate her, if she learns to use altoids… I will appreciate her a lot more.
Good God everyone it’s all in good humor. I thought it was hilarious. I love to read Cosmo but I don’t take it seriously. It’s just something fun to read. And yes, for your information, I read “real” books too, and not Harlequins before you start assuming that’s all I read.
I think the women on the fake covers are gorgeous and have beautiful bodies. Hey, if you have it, why not flaunt it?
I’m married to a wonderful man who isn’t the average man. He doesn’t leave the toilet seat up, he takes out the garbage, helps out around the house, helps cook dinner, helps with the kids. Yeah we have our issues but who doesn’t? I do have my own hobbies, always have, always will. I have a life outside my (gasp) kids and hubby.
See, women can be sexy and smart. I think some women are upset by this because they’re not viewed as sexy by most men.
It’s satire people. Laugh and get over yourselves. Life is too short to take yourselves so seriously.
Is it hard to walk with that stick so far up your a$$?
If you subscribe to those actual magazines you shouldn’t need to after a full year subscription. The next year they just throw all the same information back in; you never get anything new, it’s all recycled info. I think it would be a lot healthier for women to know what men really think. Most men like you to have your own personality and be comfortable being who you are without making excuses for it. Some guys will dig you, some won’t. That’s just how it works on both the male and female sides.
@ANdrea “http://www.momlogic.com/2010/02/if_women_wrote_mens_magazines.php” is funny as hell!!! Megan Fox airbrushed for 8 hours… LOL Nice find!
I found it as amusing as the magazine mock-ups/ satire here… and that the thing, this is meant to be funny, you know for laughs – any guy or gal who takes this seriously deserves the results they get. Sure, some people don’t think it’s funny – fine, let them stew about about… maybe somewhere it hit a nerve.
And @Katy
“I am so appalled by these images. Women are already instructed by these magazines to do things the way men want it, and without considering their wants and desires. These images are bringing it to an entirely different level – a much more extreme level. I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.”
You DO or have read these kind of magazines, right? This is same thing they put in those just without the sugarcoating and fashion. If you are so appalled by these images, well these images “grace” countless newsstands, supermarkets, and bookstores on a daily basis. This and the link ANdrea posted (which I copied) make fun of those and serve to highlight the problem. The problem isn’t men or what men want, it’s rags like Vogue, Maxim, Cosmo, etc. that capitalize on the insecurities of women and men. I wonder how many relationships have been saved by these articles and conversely how many have been broken? And before you or anyone else gets on their high horse and soapbox about how I’m some sort of shallow scumbag I have been happily married for almost 18 years now to the same wonderful woman who is my lover, best friend, and soulmate.
But I digress – these are funny as hell, keep up the good work.
I really enjoyed this, it made me laugh, and I shared it with my boyfriend because I knew he would enjoy it too.
I have two notes though:
While I appreciate the satirical take of men writing those ridiculous advice columns that show up in women’s magazines, I think I laughed MORE at the articles about shoes, hair and underwear, mostly because they’re so very off the mark. Women don’t hear shoes, do their hair and wear Victoria Secret just for men. These things feel nice, look good, and impress other women. Still funny, though.
And just a note to the commenters on here, just because the word is posted above, but for some reason it keeps being spelled wrong since: it’s KEGELS. NOT KEAGLES. When I read ‘keagles’ I think of beagles.
And it really is the most important 5 minutes of the day, isn’t it?
It’s satire? goddamnit :/ and here I thought that society had changed and it wasn’t JUST about keeping chicks happy anymore
ha ha ha. too funny!!! and afraid all of it true!!!!
@ Nathan “Its quite insulting that what your saying is all men think about is beer, handjobs, sex” your exactly right! Baseball and Hockey round out the top 5.
um…So what if a man DOES take this seriously?? What if it’s not “just a joke” and what men secretly really want? What is so bad about a man wanting a hand job?? Or thinking girls look better without bras on?
My thoughts: Hand job; was less work than a blow job. Haha, and not to say that it’s work really. Lets face it, it turns women on to turn men on. We want to please our men as much as they want to please us and want us to please them. Is that rambling? Sort of.
Bras: I LOVE cute little strapy sundresses and tank tops…but I’m on the larger side of average. I have it in my head that since I don’t have small boobs, i can’t wear the type of clothing that require no bra. Why? My husband always asks me “why do you NEED a bra? You look BETTER without one!” Wait a second…men like it better if they can see the natural shape of your breast? They don’t want to see a perfectly rounded smooth silhouette created by an expensive bra specifically designed to make your boobs look “perfect”? Why spend $82 (seriously, I have my unwanted Instyle magazine that I accidentally signed up for when I bought something opened to a page with a bra on it for that price) on a f*ing bra then???
Also, uncomfortable. Yes! Bras are uncomfortable! SHOCKING! When I get home from work, the first thing I do is take off my bra! And guess what?!?! It makes BOTH my husband and me MUCH happier!!!!
So, do I rant a ramble? Yes. Deal with it. My point is, it’s a freaking joke and it’s funny and there is nothing wrong with it and it’s not sexist (Boys like beer and boobs. Girls like shoes and gossip. DERRRR! It’s a fact.)
Okay I guess I’m finished. People need to lighten up.
Awesome…enjoyed it very much!
haha! I wish they had these articles. These are hilarious!! Finally a magazine of what guys really want, I think the divorce rate will decline and everyone would b extremely happy. lol Yeah, I like shoes and clothing, but Im not rich (college student here), so I hate reading about buying this expensive clothing and what girls think about this and that, I already know that duuhhh, Im a girl. If I find out what guys want,
all girls could b the queen of more pleaurehood.
I used to read these magazines when I was single til one day I thought wait a minute…I am NOT these girls and I don’t want a guy like they are trying to get me to attract. I stopped reading them, acted like myself and now I am extremly happy with an amazing boyfriend. All that said…I did find these headlines funny, cause afterall they were just meant as a joke! -Liz
Yeah and we like it when she takes off the bra too!!!
Way to go Amanda!!
A lot of women are looking at this way too seriously. It’s a guy ripping on the banality and stupidity of women’s magazines, the shallowness of it is for humor. I’d say it’s a good response to the “50 ways to please your man” articles. Dave Chapelle was right when he said that list is only 4 things long
Suck on his d*ck
Play with his balls
make him a sandwich
and don’t talk so much.
Although the list might sound sexist, it’s not, it’s just the truth.
I only read half of the posts and got tired.
Girls. FFS.
It is satirical, but not as much as you think: these fun covers are waaay closer to the male taste than the original magazines.
This is not a joke – the joke is that you girls think “it is a joke”, and go on reading the BS stuff you see in the real mags.
Joe B. has right.
Of course there are a lot of **** type of guys (like Mark) who think they can get a girlfriend easier if they talk things girls want to hear, but the truth is that deep down most men are like the good old man stereotype.
It is not about how we handle the women, it is about how we feel comfortable, and what we are interested in.
Annie: men are simple, or at least their demands are – get used to it.
Yes, we are not interested in 90% of the things you want to give us, and we are interested in a lot of things you don’t want to give.
Sorry for being different from your dream princes.
Erica: these magazines may run by guys, but they are money-oriented: they give women that they want to read, and not the truth.
Rosanne: it’s not about USA. I’m from the other side of our little planet. Yes, we are simple all around the world, and you girls are sooo complicated and clever – familiar thought, isn’t it? Yes, you’ve read this in cosmo.
Ah, got bored.