If Men Wrote Women’s Magazines: The Sequel

Contrary to popular belief, men listen when women talk (occasionally absorbing some of the conversation) so we expect the opposite to be true. Why else would we constantly be hearing about how the relationship is a two-way street? It’s no surprise then that when we talked, you listened. But just like real life, men can never seem to have the last word.

When the new issues of Maxim and Men’s Journal arrived – complete with hair removal tips, PMS care packages, and housework – we were quite shocked (except by the curvy women, we love curvy women). Then we saw the March issues of Lucky, Women’s Health, InStyle and Marie Claire and realized that we can have our cake and eat it too… as long as we don’t have to make it ourselves.











By Related Items: Articles, Features, Humor, The Roundup, Women.


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  • mer

    I know you’re trying to be funny, but these look exactly the same as actual magazines I see in the checkout lane.

    I guess the actual joke is that you can’t parody trash rags.

  • Virginia

    As a woman with short hair, I would have to refute the “science validates the correlation to hair length and relationship length.” I have found many, many men who love my hair because it highlights my beautiful features and shows that I’m confidant and don’t feel the need to hide behind longer locks. Also, if a guy really needs 12 + inches of hair to hold on to, he should examine his dexterity and study his woman’s “orgasms” a bit more closely.

  • Frank

    LOL@ women who feel they have to argue about a joke on the internet.

  • Captain Pointer

    @virginia
    “I have found many, many men”

    doesn’t sound like long relationships…
    thank you for proving the point.

  • Man Lee

    No, really. Short hair means you like women.

  • shawndaddy

    I like long drapes and laminate flooring.

  • Brendah

    Come on ladies….lighten up.

  • Successful

    Successful Troll is Successful.

  • Player

    Short hair is for dikes and pubic hair.

  • Walt333

    I am an old guy who got the link to this site as part of a joke email from an equally old male friend. I read it and thought it was sophmoric but mildly amusing. But then I read some of the comments. And I see from them that there are guys who think the messages in these tag lines point the way to how things should be and also that there are a lot of ladies out there who are offended. Well ladies I guess you have a right to feel offended, but I really think you should just step back and smile because the guys who are laughing don’t get it–the main point of this satire is to mock the shallowness of men. And any of you guys who think these tag lines deliver a valuable message–well you need some serious help.

  • http://www.wyur.org/ nellyconway

    Magazines like this is usually about what women can do to satisfy their men.
    This is just more straight to the point, like men want it.

  • fab

    @virgina

    Are you trying to convince your self..?

  • reelMaleWayne

    “25 Ball handling Tips from WNBA Pros” I love it! I’d prefer “The 10 hottest LPGA babes share ball washing and shaft gripping techniques.”

  • damrod

    Hi everybody
    i’m french and for your information “marie claire” is a magazine for women in france.
    In fact there is a bad joke on the cover
    “Learn to say i love you in french : it’s pronounced ‘ménage à trois’”
    For those who don’t who…’ménage à trois’ means…threesome :-)
    i have nothing against that…if you say that to a french man he may be happy but if he is your boyfriend he may be not (depending of the sex of the third member of the party ;-))

    in short it’s a parody of both men and women…some men have strange ideas about love and women, and when you look at the cover of women magazines you read curious affirmations …:-)

  • Dizzle

    reelMaleWayne…..YES!

  • DaSmashah

    @Walt333

    Ah, the gay community lets its voice be heard

  • chris

    I think it’s futile to take this as an affront to women. This isn’t meant for that. It’s meant to affirm men’s feelings to women, because the magazines on the store shelves are always so completely inaccurate as to what men actually like. I honestly don’t think women should write for those magazines about what men want unless they’re happily married.

    For example:

    I looked at the Marie Claire website. Here are some stories that do not ring true:

    “6 reasons why men prefer women with a dark side” – nope…I want an honest girl who’s hot and nice and sweet, not some skeptic who might leave me.

    “Why DO men like bitches?” – They don’t. It’s just all the attractive girls are bitches.

    “Spring Hair Trends – Hairstyles for Spring” – Men just want long hair and not those weird little over-stylized cuts. Generally speaking, prom nights are when girls look their LEAST pretty…we want them around the apartment with their makeup off.

    Now, if all of these magazines are just to empower women, that’s fine, but just don’t assume any of these articles actually represent MALE feelings on the subject.

    Thus, the joke is sound.

  • D

    Hey old guy, (Walt333) it’s “sophomoric.” Go back to being old and leave the interweb to the whippersnappers . We’re better at it.

  • Ryan

    @ chris
    True shit my friend. Mainly to the bitches part.
    and at Damrod? I would in fact take “Threesome?” as an acceptable alternative to “I love you”

  • SteveG

    Are you people fucking retarded? After looking at the comments, it seems a lot of people thought these were supposed to be serious or even real. It never surprises me how much some people miss even the simplest of points. The article names/titles on the covers aren’t meant to be taken as fact. They’re satire. Of course hair length isn’t proportional to relationship length. Some men love short hair. Some don’t. Does something like that really need to be debated? Wake up, dipshits.

  • Sofia

    I don’t understand why people are making a big deal out of this. It’s a joke…relax a little.

  • foppajoe

    menage a trois = 3some

    lol

  • HERSCHEL

    i think its funny and if you dont see the humor in it you need to take the stick out of your asses

  • lucky girl

    Yeah, these are pretty much the same as the actual magazines, except there’s none of the ridiculous “Pretty Make-up is Back!” or “spend $300 on this miniskirt and hate yourself because you look fat in it!” bullshit, so good shot but these things are pretty parody-proof.

  • Charlie

    how is this different from the original magazines?

  • AmIRight

    Ladies, ladies, stop arguing and get back in the kitchen

  • George

    I love women with long hair. Yes, do not cut it!

  • YesYouAre

    My woman would never argue about something that is so obviously a joke. Actually, since putting the lock on the outside of the kitchen door (so it locks people in) she hasn’t been arguing very much at all anymore ;)

  • Lockedinthekitchen

    ^ He does it because he loves me.

  • liyoby

    a secret .LIVELY is my girl.DO MOT TELL ANYBODY ELSE,I AM SERIOUSLY

  • Shauna

    These are just mock magazine covers and some of you douchebags are, well…just being true to your native habitat. I give you this quote to try to tear up or misconstrue as it too is plain as it’s stated:

    “Life is hard. Its harder when you’re stupid.” – John Wayne

  • LE

    This is like reading something from that annoying guy at work who’s sure people call him ‘the funny guy’ and is sure people would love a show just about him and his friends and all their hilarious conversations (like Seinfeld meets Entourage!).

    The Onion exists. Cracked.com exists. Somethingawful exists. This is about as funny as an actual women’s magazine.

  • Chino

    The hair thing was pretty funny. I have a question for women though, why when you’re in your thirties, you have the urge to cut your hair for some unexplained reason? I can always tell a woman’s age by her haircut. If it’s short, more than likely she’s in her thirties.

  • Real Woman

    A real woman says BAHAHA! That is funny shit! Relax out there!
    Pretty sure Marie Claire is published in USA too, not just France .

  • ping pong

    you guys are all actually retarded

  • Kay

    This is f-in hilarious! Not just the post itself but the comments. Girls getting offended, then the guys getting offended because the girls are.

    It’s all funny! Am reading this and laughing at all of you! LOL

  • http://www.nocrony.com/ Jose

    It would Maxim.

    Maxim is Cosmo for men.

  • james

    Hahahah these are hilious! Chris has it spot on, womens magazines all try to explain what men want and any man you talk to will say how completely off the mark it always is. Men, flip through one of these rags sometime and it becomes clear why so many women are crazy, they’ve been reading that drivel.

    Can comment on the hair thing too, a very few women look great with short hair, and those would all look even better with longer hair. I’ve never even met a man who prefers short hair on a woman, and yet so many women get offended by this. There are certain traits of both genders that are attractive to the opposite sex, deal with it, being offended will not change reality, you can’t argue with biology.

  • Jade

    I like my short hair :) Long hair made me look boring and retarded, which is not flattering on any person, female or not (no I’m not in my thirties yet). Of course there were men who said they rather saw me with long hair. But seriously, why care, as if I’d exist just for their viewing pleasure hehe, I got my own man who likes my hair mucho and that’s enough isn’t it.
    I do firmly believe there are some women who look better with short hair. And I believe that ‘the best hairstyle’ varies from woman to woman. And I do think that ‘short hair is for dikes’ is a hilarious statement, these magazines are just as hilarious and the internet should always be taken lightly. Keep on rolling with those jokes and especially those serious “I’m an offended female who wants to correct the internet” reactions, they’re funny as shit!

  • davidr

    For Men:
    “Marriage: The Sacrifice You Make For Sex.”

    For Women:
    “Sex: The Sacrifice You Make For Marriage.”

  • Nick

    @AmIRight

    haha! Great Point!
    maybe they installed a pc in the oven Door? or Near the washing machine

  • Joshua

    “As a woman with short hair, I would have to refute the “science validates the correlation to hair length and relationship length.” I have found MANY MEN who love my hair…”

    Seems like the correlation is true, you just prefer to think that your many relationships are a sign of how awesomely attractive you are, than a sign that no man is willing to settle down with a woman wearing short hair.