There comes a time in life when you stop buying presents for your friends. You’ll never stop buying presents for people you use the “L word” around, but if your buddy really wanted another PS3/Xbox controller he would buy it himself. It’s much easier to get all the friends together for a nice, quiet evening spent… getting shitty. “First round’s on me” becomes almost as commonplace as Happy Birthday itself and this card is the Hallmark equivalent of that sentiment. No, seriously. This card actually turns into a shot glass. With just a little origami and some cleverly placed tabs, you’ll have the birthday boy praying to the porcelain god in no time! We’ve always been of the mindset that a man would appreciate booze more than a witty piece of cardboard, but this accomplishes both goals for five bucks. The only thing you have to add is booze.

Pappy-Van-Winkle-Hot-Sauce

Pappy Van Winkle is the name in bourbon. Bottles have sent drinkers on wild goose chases and left others with empty bank accounts. While we can’t help you procure any of that elusive elixir, we can bring a little Pappy into your life in another way. Pappy Van Winkle Hot Sauce is aged in actual Pappy Van Winkle bourbon barrels. The distillery teamed with friends at Midland Ghost to make this flavorful hot sauce, which features the latter’s prized first generation Ghost Peppers. After the sauce was made, it was left to age in barrels that once held Pappy. That means you have a sauce that’s rich, oaky, and full of flavorful heat. Use it on meats, veggies, or, if you’re a special brand of crazy, just drink it straight from the bottle. It’s that good.