There comes a time in life when you stop buying presents for your friends. You’ll never stop buying presents for people you use the “L word” around, but if your buddy really wanted another PS3/Xbox controller he would buy it himself. It’s much easier to get all the friends together for a nice, quiet evening spent… getting shitty. “First round’s on me” becomes almost as commonplace as Happy Birthday itself and this card is the Hallmark equivalent of that sentiment. No, seriously. This card actually turns into a shot glass. With just a little origami and some cleverly placed tabs, you’ll have the birthday boy praying to the porcelain god in no time! We’ve always been of the mindset that a man would appreciate booze more than a witty piece of cardboard, but this accomplishes both goals for five bucks. The only thing you have to add is booze.

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Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.