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When you buy a bottle of hot sauce, you normally base your decision on one factor and one factor only: Will this make me cry like a little girl? Whether you lean “Mild” or “Someone Have 911 on Hold,” the heat is usually the defining characteristic of the condiment. There is another world of hot sauces out there, where heat alone does not define the bottle. Here are the 16 Hot Sauces You Never Knew Existed.

1. Dale’s Pale Ale Hot Sauce – $7
2. Bacon Hot Sauce – $15 for 2
3. Blind Betty’s Pineapple Pizzazz Hot Sauce – $7
4. Georgia Peach & Vidalia Onion Hot Sauce – $7
5. Wild Turkey Habanero Hot Sauce – $6
6. Marie Sharp’s Grapefruit Pulp Habanero Hot Sauce – $6
7. Hot Chocolate Hot Sauce – $5
8. Frostbite White Hot Sauce – $7
9. Toad Sweat Cranberry Dessert Hot Sauce – $5
10. Sgt. Pepper’s El Chipotle Picante Pumpkin Hot Sauce – $5
11. Gold “N” Heat Peach Dessert Hot Sauce – $10
12. Crabanero Hot Sauce – Sold Out
13. Maui Pepper Apples Ass Hot Sauce – $6
14. Toad Sweat Lemon Vanilla Hot Sauce – $3
15. Cherry Republic Kaboom Kickin Hot Sauce – $7
16. Papaya Pequin Passion Hot Sauce – $6

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Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.