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While we used to recall the adventures of Ahab, now upon seeing a whale we immediately think one thing: Twitter is down. Next time you get the ole Fail Whale and you can’t access the best of Doug Benson’s #SideBoobSunday or the latest celebrity death rumor, take the edge off with a cold one cracked open with the Goodly Whale Bottle Opener. The handmade, silver plated brass bottle opener adds a bit of childish fun to your adult drinking habits and makes for a better opener than any freebie you got at the last Quizzo night from some shot girl.

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Whether you’re trying to refine your archery skills or just get a leg up on the competition when it comes to office warfare, the BB Sniper mini crossbow from Uncommon Carry will fit the bill. Handmade out of stainless steel and equipped with a self-loading chamber, the BB Sniper is designed to hurl projectiles like toothpicks or mini BBs with surprising accuracy at a range of about 30-50 feet. Make sure to schedule some time for target practice because this addictive little crossbow can do some damage. Have fun, but avoid the sensitive areas.