What NOT to Buy Your Girlfriend for Christmas

Let’s face it – shopping for girls ain’t easy. There are tons of resources out there telling you what to buy and where to buy it. We thought we’d take a different approach and point out some gifts we’d suggest you steer clear of this Christmas. Here’s what NOT to buy your Girlfriend for Christmas this year…


iBuzz

ibuzz

So she already has an iPod that she loves and you thought to yourself, “Hey, I bet she’d love some fun accessories for it.” And then you googled “fun iPod accessories for her” and one thing led to another… The thought was nice but the execution was all wrong. $26


Pee Mate

P-MATE

What weirder way to let her know you care than to give her the ability to pee standing up. Yes yes, it’s hilarious that this product exists, but it’s for camping or women with hip problems. So as funny as it may be when you place the order one drunken night of online shopping, it probably won’t be as much fun explaining this one on a sober Christmas morning. $5


Stripper pole

Stripper Pole

Be honest, this is really one of those gifts that’s for you and not her. If she loves to dance and expressed that she wants to find new ways to work out she probably meant that she wants you guys to take a salsa class together. It almost definitely did not mean that she wants to be your own personal exotic dancer. However, if you’re really set on buying her a pole, after extensive research the X-Pole is the winner because it’s great for spins, easy to put together and will really let her get those legs in the air. $300




Push-Up Bra

Ultimate Lift pushup bra

Not that a teddie isn’t a fun gift for you both, but she may take offense to all the extra padding. Also, do you actually know her size? No? Don’t try guess—too big or too small and you’re screwed no matter what (and not in the good way). $98


Dust Mop Slippers

Dust Mop Slippers

When she said she wanted some comfy slippers this probably isn’t what she had in mind. It’s not a very sincere gesture that you want her to be comfortable and relax when you get slippers that double as a cleaning supply. And don’t try to sell on her on what a time saver it is $5


Juicy Juicer

2 Juicy Juicer

It’s never a good idea to buy kitchen products because it sort of implies where she should be… and even though there’s nothing wrong with a nice convenient pair of juicers that lets you squeeze with both hands, she may not enjoy the experience as much as you do. Maybe women just don’t appreciate fresh squeezed. $33


Kissing Disease

The Kissing Disease

Of all the things on your list of possible gifts this year, hopefully communicable diseases aren’t part of it. The kissing disease may be adorable with her big doe eyes, but how do you explain where you got it? Although of all the things to get her, Mono should be higher up on your list than say the clap. $8


Playboy necklace

Playmate of the Month Necklaces

Okay so we see where you went wrong here… She likes jewelry and she likes things that are personal like her birthstone… and you of course love Playmates so a Playmate of the Month Necklace with her birthday month is the perfect gift right? Okay, let’s start over. Do you want her to find your magazines and take them away? No? Okay, then don’t buy this for her. $20


Name a Star

Naming a Star

Naming a Star after a girl is a sweet gesture, but when she realizes how much cash you blew on a cheesy certificate she might not be as impressed. And there’s definitely room for this to backfire… you might forgot how many chicks you’ve done this for. From experience we can tell you that nothing is worse than doing this twice for the same girl because you forgot. $54


No No Razor

Nono Razor

Whether or not she enjoys personal grooming, she probably doesn’t want to hear from you that she should shave her “nono”. We understand that this was a thoughtful gift because of its Thermacon technology that gently transmits heat to the hair and can be used frequently to eliminate rashes and ingrown hairs. It’s just… well, it’s just one of those things you don’t buy your girlfriend man. $250


Banana Bunker

Banana Bunker

We’re not sure what there is to be embarrassed about here. If she loves bananas but is sick of them being bruised then she’s gonna need some kind of protection. It’s a completely natural thing and there’s really no shame in that. But if you needed a reason not to buy a Banana Bunker then let’s just say that it’s because it’s kind of a cheap gift. $5


Promise Ring

Promise Rings

Yes it’s pretty and sweet and she’ll totally love it, but if you’re not giving her an engagement ring by valentine’s day or at least by next Christmas you will have one bitter, disappointed woman on your hands. They’ll tell you that Promise Rings are just a promise to love her forever, but the truth is you’re basically saying “I promised to get engaged soon, I’m just saving up for the the $5000 version, so for now, enjoy this.” If you wanna do the jewelry thing, just stick to a necklace or some earrings. $150


Diamond Icecubes

Diamond Ice Cube Tray

She wanted diamonds so you got her some ice. Ha freaking ha you classy bastard you. She’ll absolutely love this if you plant the real diamonds inside a frozen gem—otherwise this gift is sure to keep her wondering when the thing you actually got her will make an appearance. This would be like expecting a guitar for Christmas and getting one made of chocolate. Not so funny when you think of it that way right? $50


Ruby Ann’s Down Home Trailer Park Cookbook

They say never buy a woman a cookbook… and it’s not too hard to see why. Since it’s their sole purpose in life to cook for us and please us in every way, then maybe it is a bit rude to criticize their ability to fulfill their destiny. So I guess that means we’ll be sticking to quiches and crab bisque rather than Ruby Ann’s Dr. Pepper Salad or deep-fried Slut Puppies. $14


Sex Swing

Sex Swing

Yes, she did say she wants to be more adventurous in the bedroom, but she meant like some handcuffs or something. And she didn’t mean for Christmas. We know, it IS exciting, but pace yourself man or it will never happen. $269


Smart Ass Thongs

Smart Ass Thongs

She may not know what to be more upset about… the fact that you bought her a thong or the fact that you were a complete smart ass about it. On the plus side if you were planning to break up with her in a really insulting way here’s your chance to let her know that not only is she just a piece of ass to you, but you also think she’s a control freak and a gold digger. $20


Teddy Bear Lamp

Teddy Bear Lamp

If she likes stuffed animals it’s probably because she thinks they have cute faces and are huggable. Yeah, we don’t get it either. The Teddy Bear Lamp seems like a great gift for a girl who loves plushies at first, but it doesn’t actually fit either requirements. It doesn’t have a head let alone a cute face. Also it’s probably not a good idea to hug a lamp what with all the brightness and possible burning. This is definitely a pass. $78


Tickle His Pickle

Tickle His Pickle

How-To sex books are probably not very kosher as far as Chanukah gifts go. Seriously save this for a less spiritual holiday… even Valentine’s Day is a little risky… besides it’ll probably backfire when she lets you know who REALLY needs tips. Ouch. You were just trying to be helpful. $15


Toe Socks

Toe Socks

Unless she’s 16 or you got her a LOT of other cool gifts, skip it. Just because she casual mentioned that she thinks they’re cute, that doesn’t mean she wants them every single year from now until you eventually break up.


Weight Watchers Scale

Weight Watcher Digital Scale

Yep, she said she needs a scale… and that she is starting weight watchers. Those are things you’ve never ever heard her say, and certainly if you did, you didn’t take seriously because she’s perfect and therefore must have been joking. She might have mentioned this around you, but experience says that it was a set up. Basically if you buy her this it was be the equivalent of saying “Yes” every time she ever asked “Does this make me look fat?” $30




Wii Fit

Wii Fit

Okay, unless she really really really wants this, don’t even consider it. A little known fact about Wii Fit… when you first turn the game on it asks you your height, measures your weight and body mass index. If you’re the slightest bit overweight it lets you know in a cute high pitched voice and your little character suddenly becomes a little too chunky for its workout clothes. Make sure she knows about this “feature” already, but don’t be the one to tell her about it. $150


Wine Rack

Wine Rack

For some unexplainable reason women just don’t see the importance of drinking novelty items. The Wine Rack is a great diverse tool that lets her drink wine conveniently AND makes her look great. Even still for whatever reason the Wine Rack doesn’t seem to go over very well with the ladies and we’re stuck fondling our own booze filled breasts in puzzlement. $30


Ceiling Mirror

Ceiling Mirror

A bedroom ceiling mirror may seem like an awesome idea at first, but do you really want her to get a good view of your back moles? Plus don’t encourage her; she takes enough time getting ready for dates as it is. The bonus? She might actually love this if she’s into decorating, but if you’re banking on it going up over the bed, you might be disappointed when you come over and see it above the dresser.


Porcelain Crushed Cans

The delicate motif goes great with her hand-painted teacup collection, while it compliments your growing pile of old beer cans… but somehow we can’t help but feel that this isn’t exactly what she had in mind when she said you guys need to compromise on your decorating choices.




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  • neddy

    Actually, most of these gifts look pretyy awesome to me!

  • Sierra

    Although some of these are really bad to give to a girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend gave me a juicer, the key chain, or if he named a star after me.

  • disgusted

    This is the most idiotic piece of writing I have ever wasted the time to read.

  • Pingback: Judging by recent threads on here, many guys will understand - the dog house...

  • http://www.newsdots.com Geoserv

    STUMBLED!

    Fantastic list, some novel items on there.

  • mik

    Yeah, they’re all novel, but they’re all absolute crap. I wouldn’t buy any of that stuff if I saw it in the Pound Shop.

  • metro

    I’m totally getting a wine rack for myself. Brilliant!

  • Laura Bella

    What?? If my boyfriend gave me a “Wine Rack”….I would be eternally in love.

  • Rallie

    Yeah, DEFINITELY don’t go with the star naming one. Not only is it a hoax (astronomers do not abide by the names sold by these companies…yes, THESE companies, there are more than one, so that means stars get named and renamed and that cute little certificate doesn’t mean SHIT), but I got one for my birthday once, and it is really hard to pretend you enjoy it. Especially when “your” star is one that only appears in the southern hemisphere, while you live in the northern.

  • md

    Oh my god… some of these I would LOVE if my boyfriend gave them to me…

    the wine rack for sure! And probably the cook book… that’s only because we have warped senses of humor though..

  • Ashlee

    I would looove a stripper pole!

  • B-Chick

    I’d like several of these… the ibuzz could be fun, the P-Mate is great if you are a hiker like me, novelty shaped ice cubes are fun, the Sex Swing would be a blast, and I would love a Wii Fit (and a Wii since I don’t have one).

  • Marcia

    There are 13 items on this list I would love if my boyfriend bought for me, and one more on the list that I already own. Who wrote this?!

  • Jackie

    so almost every item on this list i would love for christmas. . and ironically enough my sister is begging her boyfriend to buy her a sex swing for christmas. i liked 18 of these, but then again, i’m single :P

  • Jessie

    Seriously? I think some of these would be hilarious. :P

  • Anne

    I would love an Ibuzz, a Pmate (or it’s predecessor, the Shewee), wine rack, and some porcelain motherfucking cans.
    Re-lable your list right now.

  • Heather

    Haha… I actually have a few of these things on my amazon wishlist (toe socks, scale, wii fit) and wouldn’t mind having some of the others! I’m easy to please though and don’t take offense of grooming or weight control related gifts. I would LOVE if I got some of these under the tree this year! :)

  • Leah

    haha, well I wouldn’t mind getting the star or the promise ring, but I probably wouldn’t mind getting the promise ring because I’m too young to marry XD I’d get the wii fit, but.. not as a Christmas gift hahaha. Maybe he could buy the wii then I could buy the wii fit on my own ;) rofl

  • Kellyg

    I would not be offended at all to most of these gifts. I would love it if my husband bought some of the items listed. I guess that, according to you, females aren’t easy to please. You are so wrong.

  • sup homie

    my hands have reduced themselves to hooves

  • http://www.dillykins.com Dillykins

    Very entertaining, and you’re right about most of them being absolute nots, but some would be ok depending upon the girl.

    Merry Christmas to all

  • http://stumbleupon charlene

    well I have to say this is a great list of ” don’t even think about it ” gifts ! we all know men are kids at heart , but women just don’t have the same sense of humor ! I think all men should get a copy of this article , especially those who are new to relationships , or buying their women first time Christmas gifts !

  • Nate L

    I’d have to say most of these gifts my girlfriend would love.

  • caffeinebunny

    I really like toe socks!
    I’m poor, and its cold outside! socks sound pretty good!
    plus $7.00 each for awesome colerfulness? why not?

    and that wine bra could hold cold water on hot days, Mt.Dew, hotcoco…

  • http://zlovers.blogspot.com Zabimaru

    I agree with all the people who say that a lot of these are actually great gifts for many women. I can particularly mention that I know of three separate women who really, really want a Wii Fit for Christmas.

    It’s still a fun list though, with lots of crazy stuff :) Made me laugh more than once.

  • http://boksiora.googlepages.com/home2?578343096 web

    Fuck man, I was really banking on her learning how to make me some Ruby Ann’s Dr. Pepper salad.

  • http://blog.turnthescrew.com Dan Taylor

    And thanks for my christmas shopping list. Psshhhht…I’m done! :)

  • michelle

    some of these are hilarious =P but certain things like a promise ring, i would actually love for my boyfriend to get me. he uses stumbleupon and he kept asking my ring size and ended up buying me a necklace =P maybe he saw this! haha. or it could be because i’m not positive. hm.

  • eddi

    you and/or your friends are obviously interacting with the wrong type of women.

  • NAB

    i really like some of the things.

  • Julie

    I can definitely see where the guy is coming from with a lot of these, but I can’t say I wouldn’t mind getting some of this stuff haha…but the banana bunker is just a bit creepy…….not that…..

  • http://theythinkiminsane.blogspot.com Gardiner Moody

    I’d get my girl the P-Mate… she’d laugh her ass off!!

  • Lauren

    A bf gave me a star for Christmas. I had no idea how much he spent on it, but I liked it. Most of the gifts you just need to really know the girl. I wouldn’t think my bf though I was fat if I got the wii fit, but some other girls might. Some of the other gifts you just need to know each others personalities really well to know that she’ll take it as a joke or will really like it.

  • Dan

    This is why I’m glad to be a (non-flaming) gay guy. I’m so lucky not to have to deal with women’s crap.

  • Kristi

    I think the gifts are great… Maybe you should fined a new girlfriend…

  • Lolz

    Oddly I think my girlfriend actually would like these gifts.

  • Schory

    I would think the wine rack would feel pretty cold but personally, I don’t have boobs so I guess I’ll never know :[

    Almost all of this seems like something most girls would lmao over. I’m totally going to get that teddy bear lamp for myself though!

  • OddMiss

    I think it really depends on how well you know your gf, some gals will like this stuff and others won’t. i’m not much for most of this stuff but if others like it that’s totally fine.

  • austin!!!

    I’d buy the banana bunker for my girlfriends mom ;) I think she’d enjoy it! No bruised bananas for that mama this year!

  • mike

    My girlfriend has been wanting to pee standing up for soooo long! I just bought one for her and her grandmom!