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The Roundup

11 Things You’re Most Likely to Lose While Drunk

11 Things You’re Most Likely to Lose While Drunk

Charlie Sheen is on the hunt for a missing watch. After an apparent night-long bender, Charlie either misplaced or had his $150,000 Patek Phillippe stolen.  In Charlie’s defense, there are a lot of things you can lose on a drunken night out.  We present the 11 most common:

1. Your Credit Card

Let’s knock out the most common item first – your credit card.  Luckily, it also happens to be the easiest thing to re-obtain since it’s probably waiting at the bar where you forgot to pay your tab.  Good news – You can get it back.  Bad news – Your tab will be in the neighborhood of $250 and you won’t remember why.

2. A Woman’s Number

Oh, you’ll still have the paper she wrote it on, but those last four digits will be completely smudged.  (Is that an asterisk?)  The other option is you wrote it down, in which case the four last digits won’t be illegible – the whole thing will be.  No worries though, she wasn’t nearly as hot as you remember.

3. One Shoe

This one is tricky because you’d think you’d lose both shoes.  Not the case.  After searching the room the next morning (and hopefully you’ll wake in a room) you’ll find no match for the one shoe you still happen to be wearing.  Unlike the credit card, this one isn’t quite as easy to get back.  Hopefully you weren’t rocking some designer loafers or a pair of exclusive Jordan’s.  If you do want to give it a shot however, here’s a tip – it’s probably in a bush.

4. Your Car

Alcohol has the weird power of making you forget things that happened even before you were drinking.  If you drove to your buddy’s place, got drunk and passed out there, the next morning you’ll have zero idea where your car is parked.

5. Your Hoodie

Wearing a hoodie out for a night of hardcore drinking is just about the worst thing you could do.  At some point in the evening the alcohol will start to make you feel a bit warm and you’ll take it off.  You might leave it on the back of a chair, on a barstool, or on the floor of some dive bar’s bathroom.  Unfortunately, the bar you left it in probably didn’t place it in their lost-and-found bin because A) they don’t have a lost-and-found bin and B) some other drunkard got to it first and decided to wear it around the rest of the night while telling his friends to check out the sweet sweatshirt he found.  In that situation, you can only hope it was, in fact, on the bathroom floor.

6. Your iPhone

The iPhone has an app for everything.  Unfortunately, that includes apps to play around with when you’ve had a few too many.  Games that tell you how drunk you are, new drinks for you to try, Angry Birds – they’re all quite entertaining for you and your buddies after you’ve had a bit to drink.  Problem is, they’re also the reason you’ve got a good chance of losing your iPhone at some point in the night.  This is one of the very few times it’s actually an advantage having a junky old cell that you’ll keep in your pocket all night.  (Tip calculator?  I can’t even text.)

7. Your Friends

Everyone’s had one of those nights where they wake up alone in a subway car far away from home.  It happens.  The first step is to call the friends you went out with.  When they answer they’ll probably say, “Whoa!  What happened to you last night?!”  Not a good sign.  Thing is, you won’t remember, and when you do, you’ll wish you hadn’t.  No one has ever wandered off drunk and accomplished something great.  There’s a strong chance you didn’t leave your friends because you met up with some Playboy bunnies or decided to learn guitar.

8. That Brilliant Get Rich Quick Idea You Came Up With

Everything seems like a good idea when you’re drunk and this includes any sparks of genius you might have.  If you wrote down your brilliant insight, good for you, if you didn’t, get ready for a day of trying desperately to rehash whatever the revolutionary thought was.  Jet-powered bicycles?  Bacon-flavored beer?  Pants made out of sponges so spilling on yourself won’t be such a big deal?  Can’t recall.  Don’t fret though, if you want to know how you should really feel about losing this gem-of-an-idea see the last line of #2 and replace “she” with “it” and “hot” with “good”.

9. Your Entire Wallet

This is, simply put, the worst.  Whereas losing just one credit card that you’ll most likely get back is an inconvenience, losing your whole wallet is devastating.  Your hopes lie in the possibility that you left it on the bar and the bartender found it and held onto it for you.  Slim chance.  There are far more ways you could lose your full wallet during a night out – showing your ID at the third bar you hit, buying an entire pizza on your way home, prostitutes (hopefully not) – landmines are literally strewn all over the night’s activities.  Even if they’re not in fashion, there has never been a more convincing argument for wearing a chain wallet.

10. Your Lunch

Finally something you can be excited about losing!  By the way, if you’re looking for it, it’s on your pants.

11. Your Dignity

(See above)