Essential Gear to Survive a Zombie Attack
You can never be too prepared for any situation, especially a zombie attack. Assuming you can’t get your hands on an AK-47 or an antidote, you’re going to need some supplies. We’ve come up with a list of the MUST HAVE Zombie Attack survival gear.
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Titanium Cricket BatBlunt objects are the next best thing to firearms when it comes to fighting off a horde of zombies. Of course the cricket bat, made popular by Shaun of the Dead, makes a perfect zombie killer with a long flat surface, but unlike the wooden one used in the movie, we suspect a titanium cricket bat might leave a bigger impression… in their skulls. $309 |
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Ray Ban Bold SunglassesFirst and foremost, you can’t expect to look bad ass while smashing in zombie heads without a cool pair of shades. Ray Ban Bold Sunglasses being the obvious choice for zombie invasion, since they look great and are made from durable polycarbonate. $120 |
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Zombie Brain Gelatin MoldZombies are notoriously hungry for brains, but luckily they’re not notoriously clever. Use that to your advantage and deceive the evil dead with Jello Brains! You can leave a trail of fake brains for them to follow to keep them from pursuing yours. Or if these are a particularly stupid brand of zombie, you can blend in by pretending to eat brains in front of your so-called perished peers. $7 |
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Ballistic Groin ProtectorAnything can happen during a zombie invasion so never rule out possibilities like kinky zombies or stray bullets. You’re fighting for the survival of the humanity, so protect your junk! When the dust settles and 90% of humanity is dead, it may be up to you and a handful of survivors to repopulate the human race. So if you think you spend a lot of time protecting the goods now, imagine how you’ll feel when the fate of the world may rest in your lap! $14 |
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Lightweight Soft Case First Aid KitWhile a first aid kid can’t help you if you’ve been infected, it’s still a good idea to keep one around in case you accidentally shoot yourself, break something or get bitten by something non-zombie (like a snake or a creepy goth chick). In that case you should use something lightweight and portable like this Soft Case First 205 Piece Aid Kit, weighing in at only 1.3 lbs, but packed full of all kinds of bandages, pain relief, splints, wound closures and more. $17 |
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Zombie Me by No More KingsWhen the unthinkable happens and a zombie bites you, leaving you with the eloquence of livestock and the fever for the flavor of a human brain… you’re going to need some tunes. Zombie Me by No More Kings describes the ups and downs of joining the ranks of the undead and may help you cope with your new situation. $0.99 |
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Cordless Electric ChainsawWell you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110 |
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ATAC Storm BootsWell protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130 |
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Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh. |
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Pride and Prejudice and ZombiesForget the Zombie Survival Guide. The best way to understand zombies is to understand how zombies feel though a classic love story adapted to include zombies. In Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Elizabeth Bennet finds herself faced with the task of destroying zombies attacking her once quiet English village while dealing with matters of love. Find strength in Elizabeth’s plight in the reimaging of Jane Austen’s classic novel. $8 |
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Large CrowbarSure, there are probably better crowbars on the market, but something about the non descript “Large Crowbar” reminds us of the simple elegance of an inventory from a Silent Hill game, making this seem like the perfect tool for the job. But since in real life you don’t just find large crowbars lying around on the street, you may have to purchase this one. $12 |
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Razor Full Face HelmetWhether or not you’re able to snag a motorcycle to get away during a zombie attack, a full face helmet isn’t a bad idea. The Razor Full Face Helmet not only protects your juicy juicy brains, but we imagine that big pointy front would make it harder for zombies to get close to your face. Sure you might feel kind of silly wearing a helmet when not riding a bike, but you’ll be grateful when the zombies start mutating and spitting face huggers at you. $31 |
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Survival HatchetScrew a kitchen knife! Those things break at the handles. What you really need is a 4″ Survival Hatchet for those close calls. A compact weapon that’s small enough that you can strap it to your hip—even your girlfriend could carry one in her purse! Being conscious of not overloading, this hatchet only weighs a little over a pound. |
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Neck ProtectorWe’re just gonna throw this one out there… if a zombie isn’t going right for the main course (ie your brain) then he’s looking for exposed flesh to bite right? Minimize on the amount of skin you’re flashing and protect your neck and reduce the risk of getting turned. For under $10 (or after the looting begins, free) you’ll thank us for the suggestion when we all meet up at the safe house. $6 |
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Walkie Talkie HeadsetsSurvival horror movies have taught us 2 important things: 1. Don’t split up, and 2.Cell phones don’t ever work in emergency situations. If for some reason you have to break rule number 1, you should at least have some means of communicating with your fellow survivors. However, we suggest something hands free with a headset so the zombies can’t hear your partner on the other end asking why you got so quiet. $25 |
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Personal Locator Beacon/GPSDon’t you ever wonder how exactly the rescue team knows where to find survivors? Don’t count on luck; get the ARC Microfix 406 Personal Beacon. When trigged, the Beacon sends a distress call with personal info, location and medical information via satellite to anyone looking for survivors. We suppose this may come in handy in non-zombie related threats too. $600 |
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18 Key Professional Bump Key SetEveryone knows that the best weapons, health packs and secret notes are behind locked doors. Everyone also knows that there’s no way to kick down or cut through, even the flimsiest of locked doors. That’s why you need this set up Professional Bump Keys to help you navigate your way through a zombie infested city on lock down. $50 |
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Zombie Identification Chart Fridge MagnetIt’s vital that you make sure your targets are not zombies before you eliminate them. Well, maybe not exactly VITAL, because better safe than infected, right? Either way, this fridge magnet illustrates the difference between zombies and other people who may approach you with outstretch arm spouting incoherent nonsense at you. $6 |
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Comments (37 Responses)
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Good job on the helmet and neck protector, it’s been on my zombie attack gear list for a while. I would also recommend a good jacket and a solid pair of pants.
on May 7th, 2009 at 7:19 am
How about a spare brain that you can throw at them to temporarily distract them.
on May 7th, 2009 at 7:27 am
all fail. what you need is a shark suit. its basically a high tech chainmail suit thats light weight and shark bite proof, should have no probs with zombies plus it keeps you highly mobile!
on May 7th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Those pesky zombies are something else arent they!
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on May 7th, 2009 at 7:59 am
You’re assuming you can get all the stuff you listed above, but not an AK-47. That’s not very likely because LOTS of AKs were made. $309 on a cricket bat? How bout $150 on a Russian Tokarev and $150 on ammo. I bet you’ll live longer.
on May 7th, 2009 at 8:31 am
I would definitely include a decent pair of gloves. Once you’ve offed some of those braineaters with, say, your crowbar (which can also be used as a stabbing weapon), your weapon and hands will be dripping with fresh and not-so-fresh zombie juice. Better have some gloves on to ensure that tight grip on the crowbar. You wouldn’t want to attach a safety cord to it and look like an idiot, do you?
A variety of gardening tools might also come in handy, especially everything attached to long poles. Why risk close combat when you can jab away at them from 2 yards distance?
And finally, something slippery might help. Zombies are mindless and will wander on an oil stain without thinking twice. Those who stumble and fall are likely to destroy at least a part of their decaying body upon impact with the floor, and those who stay in action can then easily be offed with a reach weapon (or a burning match). Just make sure you don’t have to cross the slippery floor yourself anymore. Perfect against assaults from the rear.
on May 7th, 2009 at 8:48 am
I thought is was illegal for civillians and non-locksmiths to have a Bump Key set. If not, I know what I want for Father’s Day!
on May 7th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@mark rushworth
“all fail. what you need is a shark suit. chainmail, bla bla”
Close, my friend, but no cigar. What you need is a suit made out of live sharks.
on May 7th, 2009 at 9:40 am
No shotgun? You can’t have a zombie infestation without a shotgun,…DUH!
on May 7th, 2009 at 9:47 am
but but… what about the semi-auto shotgun?
on May 7th, 2009 at 10:03 am
“Zeke Ombie” above mentioned something slippery.
I’m thinking that a case of Slip n’ Slides would be freaking awesome for this purpose.
on May 7th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Gotta have a machete. Better range than the hatchet, and never needs reloading.
on May 7th, 2009 at 10:30 am
“You’re assuming you can get all the stuff you listed above, but not an AK-47. That’s not very likely because LOTS of AKs were made. $309 on a cricket bat? How bout $150 on a Russian Tokarev and $150 on ammo. I bet you’ll live longer.”
- blades, bats, and other such weapons don’t need reloading. once you run out of ammo, which you will, unless you can score a perfect headshot everytime, in which case you’ll still eventually run out of ammo, your AK or what have you will only be useful if it has a bayonnet.
on May 7th, 2009 at 11:33 am
worst.list.ever…
on May 7th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
No backpack to carry all this shit?
on May 7th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
its pump action shotty for zombies …*facepalm
on May 7th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
They are forgettting World War Z, the book by Max Brooks.
And my zombie killing music article!
http://randomfeatures.blogspot.com/2008/11/zombie-killing-theme-music.html
on May 7th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
What about the guns? You can’t have “essential gear” without some guns.
Additional items that should be included:
1. Protective arm and leg armor. How many people have been bitten on the limbs? The majority are killed this way.
2. Cyanide. If you get bit, better to take your own life than turn zombie.
3. Food, water, and shelter. How do you expect to survive without these 3?
4. Radio. How else to listen to the Ozzy’s Zombie Stoomp or Rob Zombie?
5. Katana. If it has been good enough for the Japanese for over a 1000 years, it’s good enough to survive a zombie attack. Plus, it can slice and dice when you need that darned knife to cut your food.
6. Can Opener. How many cartoons and movies have you seen where they needed that darned can opener.
7. The semi-bad coward. Throw him/her to the zombies and make your escape.
8. The token misfit. They ALWAYS get it after the first or second victim. Sacrifice them to the zombie ghouls.
9. Extra AMMO!!! Every dad gone zombie movie, they ALWAYS run out of ammo. WTF?????
10. Make friends with that right wing, survivalist, whacko. Can someone get me the phone number or directions to Ted Nugent’s house?
on May 7th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
This is blasphemy not having the Zombie suvival guide…
on May 7th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
You totally forgot:
BB Human Universal Load Carrier, ApNano Armor, Metal Storm Hand Gun, WASP Injector Knife, and LifeStraw Water Purifier.
on May 7th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
You must have a pan for frying things – eggs, brains and the such
on May 7th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Titanium Cricket bat would be light than a wood one. So that’s not ideal. You would need to swing harder and exert more energy. Metal baseball bats are bad for beating people for the same reason.
on May 7th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Werd to the Shark Suit. I bet it’s not all that heavy and would offer maximum protection. +1 for Machete over small AX. +1 for AK 47 instead of Cricket Bat. If you run out of Ammo, you can bash brains with the butt of the gun just as easily.
on May 7th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
The titanium cricket bat is a no go. The whole reason you use a wooden baseball bat to beat a zombie is to avoid the vibrations and kickback felt from a metal baseball bat. Metal transfers the vibrations created when striking something directly into your hands. Wood absorbs it, thus saving you from a lot of pain in your extremities. So I’d stick with the wooden cricket bat if nothing else.
on May 7th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
This list really isn’t very good.
Rayban glasses? Get some ballistic goggles for about $20.
Ballistic groin protector. okay.. But your price is off by several hundred dollars.
That first aid kit is a joke. The standard kit that comes in a lot of cars is better.
Electric chainsaw? You know how fast you would lose power if there was no one managing the power grid?
The bug out bag.. Much better to make your own. Get a water purifier and surplus gas mask for under $30.
The crowbar.. Check out the stanley FUBAR. Much better.
A NEOPRENE? Neck protector? Do you know what neoprene is?
Bump keys are not perfect.. Many locks now wont work with bump keys. You can learn to lock pick or buy a $50 electric lockpick for very quick easy access into doors. Or the Stanley Fubar tool will get you into most residential doors quick.
on May 7th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Remington .30 06 was forgotten.
on May 7th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
any sort of lockpick is quite useless weight really, if you have all this weaponry a door is not going to be much of a challenge, also you dont want to have to stop and search throught the whole f*cking bag to find a lockpick when you could have just used the crowbar in your hand and saved time on getting away
on May 8th, 2009 at 1:55 am
There is a few things on this list that would not only be a waste of money, but would get you killed. Sun Glasses impair you’re vision by making things darker, a Helmet would restrict you’re eye sight and head movement. Ballistic Groin protector is uneccesary, If a slow zombie manages to get near you’re nuts, then you deserve to die, if someone shoots you’re nuts, then you shoot them in the face. Jello Brains are useless and take up space. a zombie knows the difference between fresh bloody flesh and Bill Cosby’s dessert of choice. A Machete has better range and power then a hatchet. The goal is to not be close to the zombies, if forced to be close, I would go with a Machete then a hatchet. Walkie Talkies are also useless, Why split up you’re group making you smaller and more open for attacks?
Not to mention, The Zombie Survival Guide is 50x better then the book they listed.
The only useful things on here is the GPS, The Metal Cricket Bat and probably the Key Set, But I highly doubt that shit is legit.
on May 8th, 2009 at 3:26 am
WoW! Where to begin, the list is funny, but not practical. If were judging the zombies from most of the movies than high powerful calibers are not needed. 30.06 and most AK 47 type rifles are overkill. Having the right weapons and enough ammo would be a god sent, but lets be real, you will eventually run out of ammo. However while you have them, a good choose would be an AR-15, both the rifle and ammo are light weight, fast to reload, little to no recoil and have 20 to 30 rounds in each mag. A second weapon should be a handgun. A 9mm would work fine. However I’m fond of the 1911 style (45ACP). Shotguns are not a bad choose, but they are limited to 5 to 7 shells and take while to reload. I would only obtain a striking or cutting weapon after running out of ammo. Doesn’t really matter, longer the better. Keeps them further away from you.
Protective gear is really not needed. If the zombies are close enough to touch you than your screwed. However if it makes you feel better to wear something then try something Kevlar lined or leather. It’s lightweight and comes a verity of way to meet what you are looking for. Something to consider, a zombie bite would not be stronger then a human, bite, if anything it would be weaker. So with that in mind if you can’t bite trough it they shouldn’t be able to.
on May 12th, 2009 at 4:11 am
Ammo- no matter what gun you use you WILL run out. There are an estimated 6,770,000,000 potential zombies on this planet alone. You cannot carry enough ammo. Period.
That’s why it’s handy to have a blade. Decapitation and/or serious trauma to the zombie brain is the easiest way to kill them. Blades: swords, machete’s, axes, etc are your best bet to deliver the penetration necessary for efficient zombie ownage. I’m fairly certain that if Shaun had owned a broadsword, he’d have grabbed it rather than the cricket bat.
Armor – this is a good idea. something light though. A sharkbite suit or leather is your best bet. Nothing too loose and flowing (I know trenchcoats are badass, but it’s too easy to be dragged down by the hem.) Gloves and a helmet are a great idea. Best bet would be something like a bicycle helmet. They look silly but don’t impair your field of vision, and offer good cranial protection.
Guns – shotguns are a classic, and good for short range shots. They’re also good for clearing at close range, when the zombies are packed nice and tight. Frag grenades also work well here. 9mm is a great choice for a handgun.
Then all you really need is a pack with water/purifier, jerky/trail mix and a med kit. The lockpicks are actually a pretty good idea, as it usually takes only a minute or two to pick a lock, but a locked door can hold back a horde of zombies for an average of 4 minutes. A broken lock can’t lock the undead horde out.
on May 12th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Some Very _Cool Materials_ used their, Where’s the SHOTTY >| !?
on May 12th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Guns – shotguns are a classic, and good for short range shots. They’re also good for clearing at close range, when the zombies are packed nice and tight. Frag grenades also work well here. 9mm is a great choice for a handgun.
Hey Dave….uhm….frag grenades are a very bad idea…consider this: You are in a crowd of zombies, and you blow up thisf rag grenade. woo hoo…you blew the shizz outta them, but most can still crawl…plus, frags use schrapnel…you could hurt yourself…and the blood coming from the zombies could infect you. FRAGS ARE NO GOOD
on May 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
I prefer katana for CQC a shotgun to ward off zombies and a backpack containing water purifier, some meds, jerky, extra ammo and the GPS personal beacon.
i think the shark suit looks cool!
on May 18th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
And so it begins…
http://www.pittsburghpostgazette.com/pg/09139/971210-100.stm
http://kdka.com/topstories/dad.eats.eyes.2.1013204.html
on May 19th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
When Will They Break Out?
on October 28th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I can’t believe tomahawks were left out! I prefer the tomahawk fusion by SOG it has a synthetic handle you can drive your car over, little chance of the handle cracking or the head coming off when you most need it. It’s good for cutting a way into buildings and hacking wood for fire plus good for hacking up zombies if necessary I mean come on! Anyone seen Mel Gibson in the Patriot? tomahawks are in so much so that several army infantry units use them now overseas also another must have blade to give your tomahawk a mate is the kukri machete a gurka style blade by cold steel. As for firearms to carry and yes I would carry them. Because yes even though there is a probablity of running out of bullets, I can always save one for me or….. all the other people here who have such cool weapons which don’t need bullets. Well I would be so much more rested without having been swinging that katana/cricket bat/machete/or any other cool weapon which I’m sure to see and think “Hmm why did’nt I think of that!” So in that spirit beforehand I want to say thank you for your gadget now because I might be in a hurry at that moment what with all the zombies and all and would not want to appear rude. As for what firearms? I would go with .45 cal as it is a good zombie stopper not in a 1911 however as most are rather heavy and only hold eight rounds I would go with the H&K USP or Glock 21 why because both are light, reliable, and carry 12 or more rounds and that could mean the difference in you being a zombie or not. Second on my list is a back up pistol a glock in 9mm and no other! Why because any 9mm glock can hold their 33rd mags and 45 and 9mm will be the easiest ammo to find plus glocks are light and reliable. As for the shotgun? No can do unless you have one other person with you to carry it. Why because you want to carry an AK 74 or piston operated ar style rifle that way the guy with the shotgun is first into the spooky building when foraging ” Well your shotgun is better suited for close quarters I’ll stay outside and provide overwatch.” And you may ask why would I want those rifles though Wolf? Well an AK 74 shoots a round similiar to the .223 cal round an AR shoots so you can carry more of them carry more of either one of them. Piston operated AR rifles because the regular gas blowback design AR or M16 will jam when your at the peak of killing the rushing zombie horde which is not ….cool. Either of those rifles are good preferrably the AR called the MR556 by HK which is the civilian version of what Delta Force uses because then you get reliablity and you can put cool gadgets on it like scopes,lasers and flashlights. As for the outfit I would go with mulicam clothing hey if the zombies don’t see you first they’re easier to avoid/take them out, To go with that a gortex jacket,nomex gloves or oakley gloves are good, eyeprotection all which goes in your backpack which I would say for light weight reliable packs go with blackhawk for heavier go with aliceruck modified by tactical tailor in multicam it should contain water purifier, first aid kit which should have painkillers, plenty of dressings, anti infectant like alochol pads, wraps, heating and coolings pads. Fire starting kit with some tender, sleeping bag and sleeping pad,food like nuts,jerky,dried fruit camelpak and canteen extra ammo and extra socks and t shirts footwear should be converses or oakley boots as they are lightweight and feel and respond like a running shoe but have the durable features of a good combat boot. And just like with grizzly bears you don’t have to be faster then the zombie just faster then your buddy running with you. And you know when you’ll be seeing me take care till then
on November 4th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
[...] Sports should, by default, involve no more than two pieces of mandatory equipment to play. Basketball, football, and baseball all adhere to these rules – which is why they’re popular. By the time you finish the setup for croquet you’re four beers deep and you just want to pop your collar and rock some bozo buckets. Also, your gramma plays croquet. Croquet is only good for one thing, providing you with mallets to use as weapons against zombies. [...]
on November 5th, 2009 at 2:05 pm