Because the only good about this news story is the above picture. Unfortunately, this story does not contain hot chicks, pillows, or feathers. Yeah, you were lied to, but you’ll find plenty of hotties in the Link Roundup. Now that that’s out of the way (Get over your anger, this is hilarious.), on with the news!
Scene: 10pm Friday evening in the adjoining backyards of Christopher Leonard and John Rota – Randolph, MA. Leonard and his wife Nicole are quietly sipping beers (canned, of course) in the backyard. Enter John Rota.
Rota: Hey Chris, Nicole.
Leonard: Hey John, I want to dump some leaves in your yard… over that fence I built.
Rota: Can you please stop making such a big deal out of that damn fence?
Leonard: Hey man, I moved it so you could put that shed on your side. It’s not like it’s a big deal to move an entire fence or anything.
Leonard approaches Rota
Rota: Seriously, stop making such a big deal out of the damn fence.
Leonard edges ever closer to Rota
Rota: You wanna fight? If you wanna fight, go ahead and hit me.
Leonard hits Rota in the side of the face
Rota throws his beer (again, canned) at Leonard
Leonard removes his gat from his waistband and pops Rota in the gut
HOLD THE PHONE! Back up. How in the hell did Leonard hit Rota, get hit with a beer can, and then shoot his neighbor THROUGH the fence? What happened to this fence that Rota was making a “big deal” about? Bullets penetrate fences, fists and beer cans do not. Apparently the fence was made of sticks or Play Doh (which explains why it was so easy to move) because all of this is transpiring as if it was six inches tall.
Leonard, obviously feeling some level of remorse for his actions, grabbed a sweatshirt and pressed it into the wound (fences don’t occupy space or affect time). Rota got up and attempted to walk to his house until he was so weak he fell onto the ground (too bad bullets abide by the rules of physics). He then pulled himself onto a bench and called 911.
Scene: Randolph Courtoom – Monday morning
Judge: You are being charged with armed assault with intent to murder. How do you plead?
Leonard: Innocent. (Seriously? Innocent? What about the smoking gun?)
Judge: You will be released on $20,000 bail until trial.
First of all, what kind of prosecutors do they have in Randolph? Why wasn’t he charged with attempted murder? “Sup John, you want a beer? Shoots John in the stomach.” What part of that isn’t attempted murder? Clearly that’s how Mr. Leonard makes friends… with bullets. At least Mr. Rota uses beer, even if it is hurled at breakneck speed. Secondly, do you think Mr. Leonard, who just attempted to murder someone, might try again with one of his other twelve guns? Yeah? Great. Now, why not release him on bail? But it gets better. According to the local news source, “Nicole said that he had been out drinking with co-workers the night of the shooting.” Speechless.
Someone apparently didn’t get the memo, Shakespeare already wrote Comedy of Errors.