If we had the cash we would go all out on cars, watches, clothes and tech but we’d like to think that we’d draw the line at a $26k computer mouse and the $100k hat. Although we’re not sure what’s worse—this stuff or a $3500 hunk of cement? Either way it’s time for round 2 of the most ridiculously expensive every day items ever.
Top Gear Bottle Opener – $194
We’ll admit that we’ve spent more than we wanted to on a cool bottle opener before but no more than the cost of a couple of cases of beer. This ridiculously expensive bottle opener from Japan supposedly saves your time because of how awesomely fast it opens bottles. In other words it might save you like 4 seconds a bottle, which if you’re pulling in Bill Gates loot saves you $1200. (Seriously, google it.)
Stanly Kubrick Tape Measure – $250
“This 25′ Stanely tape measure is an absolute necessity in any shop.” Screw you Tom Sachs. Scratching your name into a tape measure doesn’t make it worth $250. While we’re at it, sticking some nails into chess pieces don’t make them worth 10 grand either.
Louis Vuitton Card Deck Set – $105
Speaking of pretentious designers, here’s a $105 card deck set with Louis Vuitton stamped on it. Finally we can stop using those $1 bicycle decks to separate lines of coke like commoners.
Toto Neorest Toilet – $3776
In a man’s castle, his most important possession is the throne. Even we have to admit, if we had the money we’d consider getting a toilet that opens, closes and flushes automatically. That’s right, rich couples don’t argue about the toilet seat. Don’t let anyone ever tell you money can’t buy you happiness.
Roland Iten Belt Buckle – $25,000
It’s not surprising that this belt buckle by Roland Iten is Swiss made because it’s just as expensive and complicated as most watches from Switzerland. It’s not just expensive because it’s made of solid gold, but because it’s a “hi-precision” mechanical belt that takes 9-10 months to create.
Luxury Bullets – $3000
If all bullets cost $3000 a pop there’d be a lot less violence in the world. And if you managed to survive getting shot not only would you be lucky to be alive, but you’d be rich. Bullet Forge designed 9mm bullets made from white gold and diamonds and a 45 ACP hollow-point made of white gold with 90 diamonds around an amethyst. You can wear them as a necklace as a statement against violence… oh wait, they’re covered in diamonds so never mind.
The Intimidator Pool Cue – $150,000
No, this isn’t some nerdy D&D weapon or replica LOTR crap—it’s the most bad-ass pool cue ever made. Appropriately named “The Intimidator” this pool cue features four bladed wings that you wouldn’t want to get anywhere near your felt, or anything else for that matter. Made from a solid piece of stainless steel and a genuine Italian Obsidian Gemstone Sphere, this crazy cue took over 1800 hours to craft and engrave.
World’s Most Expensive Computer Mouse – $26,730
Wouldn’t mousing with 59 diamonds against your palm hurt? This is not only the world’s most expensive computer mouse, but the world’s most useless computer mouse.
22k Gold Playstation 3 – $323,000
A regular PS3 could have made it on this list back when it was still $600, but now it’s actually attainable. Of course if you want to show off how 1337 you are, you’ll get the one covered in 22k gold and covered in 58 diamonds.
Nino Bellissima Lobster and Caviar Pizza – $1000
That $10 pile of dough and garbage that Dominos calls pizza is not pizza. While most of the country has no idea what real pizza is supposed to taste like, apparently New Yorkers are getting kind of jaded. Classic toppings like pepperoni and mushrooms are not good enough anymore. So instead they pay $125 a slice for pizza topped with caviar, lobster, creme fraiche and chives.
Zontik Rubik’s Cube – $115
Yeah, $115 is a lot for a Rubik’s cube, but you know it would look damn good on your desk. Just so you know, it’s not for “speed cubing” so much as it’s for making your coworkers feel inferior because you have the shiniest desk toys.
Omas Limited Edition Moon Landing Pen – $49,000
One giant leap for mankind and one even bigger check for man. The Omas Limited Edition Moon Landing Pen features a globe on the top and 3D imprints of Neil Armstrong’s footprints in the moon (or more realistically, some random guy’s because it’s not like they casted them from the originals). It’s a pretty cool pen, but you could probably find a plastic one just like it in a planetarium gift shop for $10.
Martini on the Rock – $10,000
No, the appletini isn’t the girliest martini money can buy… it’s the diamond-tini. Served at the Blue Bar in the Algonqiun Hotel in NYC on a silver platter, the Martini on the Rock is made with four parts gin, one part vermouth and one part diamond engagement ring.
Montecristi Panama Straw Hat – $100,000
Made from extremely fine toquilla straw, and known simply as “The Hat” it takes five full months to create. The nickname makes sense for a $100,000 hat… “Honey, where’s my hat?” “Which hat?” “Are you f**king kidding me? THE hat!”
Solid Gold Stool – $1.3 Million
Unlike your ex-girlfriend, we ain’t lying when we say this stool weighs 110 lbs. It’s so heavy because it’s made from solid gold. Also like your ex-girlfriend, it ain’t cheap either—it costs $1.3 million dollars.
Diamond, Gold and Silk Tie – $220,000
What’s the most you ever spent on a necktie trying to look sharp on a job interview or date? $40? $80? $222,000? While we wouldn’t put a price on a sharp tie, we would put a price on what you’d have to pay us to wear that hideous diamond studded purple silk disaster.
Gold and Diamond Sauce Pan – $155,000
What does the world’s richest housewife who already has a swarovski studded vacuum cleaner need next? A sauce pan with gold handles and studded with 200 diamonds. We don’t know if that makes her a domestic goddess, but it at least qualifies her for domestic empresses.
World’s Most Expensive Bikini – $30 Million
Worth every penny.