No longer relegated to the likes of B-movies and fat jokes, this has become an actual legal defense. Edward Ates claimed (in court) that he was just TOO fat to have killed his son-in-law. Apparently his multiple obesity-related ailments would have prevented the 285lb man from ascending stairs, pulling the trigger (he didn’t have problems with those last few pints of ice cream), or making a speedy getaway. Funny, that never stopped Santa Clause before.
Unfortunately for Ates, he lost 60lbs in prison (which his lawyer urged him not to do) so his defense will be difficult to present to jurors. If your life is on the line, now is probably not the best time to start the new Prison Fad Diet Billy Blanks.
While the lack of actual evidence does not seem to be weighing on the prosecution, Ates has not yet requested they subpoena phone records to determine he was actually at Club Bounce that evening. On the bright side, since razors aren’t allowed in the slammer, Ates will emerge mo badass than ever.
© 2012 Dartboard Media
