If Men Wrote Women’s Magazines

Women get all kinds of advice from magazines from how to dress to how to please a man in the bedroom, and even what to cook for us. And while it’s not all bad (with hotties like Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba on the cover) these mags are lacking much needed male insights. For example, we’re actually not that interested in your hair and we definitely don’t care about your shoes. Don’t get us wrong, we love the heels… we just don’t see why you need so many pairs that quite frankly, to us look the same. But if Women’s magazines were actually written by men, there wouldn’t be so much confusion about what we want. Here are some article titles, written by men that get straight to the point.











By Related Items: Articles, Features, Humor, The Roundup, Women.


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  • Shaun

    God bless you Christina. You are a credit to your gender ;)

  • sean

    “Pete” nailed it on the head; it makes fun of men as much as it does women, and the social stereotypes we all deal with on a daily basis.

    If anything is a cause for concern, its the ACTUAL magazines that publish similar (i.e. worded differently) material, and those should be dealt with accordingly; not here where the only intention is humour.

  • Tree

    to “Your Conscience”………….your comments are completely inappropriate and offensive. not to mention blasphemous, sexist, and misanthropic. please stop posting here. and then, go buy a vibrator.

  • trae

    how about a magazine on how men can keep the attention of women? Men are so concerned about the woman looking great and stating in shape when the majority of men have pot bellies, flabby arms and double chins! Shall we address the hygiene of men down south?? It’s important for both sexes to pay attention to presentation and how to lease to opposite sex. Women know more about the male body then men will ever have a desire to know about the female body. sad fact. Step it up fellas!! :)

  • Tree

    Trae- that is a valid point. but this satire is not about men keeping the attention of women, its about women keeping the attention of men. do you have a stronger argument against this other than highlighting the concerns of the polar opposite?

  • http://UnHub.com/PHADE PHADE

    This Is Some Funny Stuff, Really Clever.

    And For “MY” 2 Cents: It’s Just A Joke, Stop Taking Things So Serious. Is Sociaty Really Like That? Nope! The Media Has Done. In Other Words (MINE): Smile, Laugh And Stop B!tch!ng

  • dick

    @Your Conscience:

    You are the reason men act this way. Shut up, and go back to your liberal life style and stay off posts that are clearly meant to be taken as humor. I hope you slam your prius into a wall.

  • Phil

    Oh come on. This is clearly a satire on both the magazines and upon both men and female stereotypes. Reading any further into what it says about sex equality and relationships is ridiculous. The authors clearly did not intend as much, and so should not be read as much. Enjoy it. Laugh about it. Don’t take it so seriously.

    @Annie: It’s not like people are reading this and nodding vigorously while referencing it as a bible for future relationships. It’s something that we laugh about, and some of the points that it makes are relevant, while most of them are not.

    @Conscious: I want to argue that your stance is completely ridiculous, but there’s no point. You’ve already decided, and I’m not gonna waste my time trying to argue against someone who reads for deeper motives in a humorous posting. Take a joke for what it is.

  • Alma

    Oh, come on, Kathy!!!! this was funny! and Joe, you are a prick. why does everything have to turn into an argument? cant we just laugh, and dont be offended for everything? I am a girl, very independent, feminist girl, and I thought this was very funny!!!

  • zoe

    I agree with Alma. I am quick to condemn media that promote sexism, but I think the conspicuous nature of this humorous display renders it a powerful parody of this type of magazine…The type of magazine that ARE all about getting in shape, and pleasing your man…way more insidious sexism…

  • MJ

    This was lame. And considering it just reinforced all the stupid male stereotypes, that’s not saying much for either sex. Just immature. Women aren’t just a play thing (with no brain of their own). The real magazines are a laughing stock already, these just took it to another level!

  • Annie

    @Daniel: yeah the headlines aren’t all that bad.

  • Annie

    @Zoe: Completely agree! But I also think stuff like this provides an ideal setting to discuss things like media effects and gender stereotyping, since it’s a more relaxed atmosphere and people are less likely to be heated over it. I mean, why DO people find this humorous? Overall I just think it’s really interesting and I wish people wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss any questions about its cultural implications as “feminazi bullshit” or something of the sort.

  • Annie

    @ray – I’m actually already doing that (research at a university), but thanks.

    @ray, @phil—I don’t know, maybe this isn’t the right thread to pose these kinds of questions; I thought I could maybe get some insights from both men and women on here, but I can see that a lot of people just want to shut down the conversation completely. Phil, I have to disagree with you that things like this shouldn’t be discussed any further because they’re simply “humorous”. Humor and satire are vital parts of our culture; forgive me for wanting to discuss it further in a message board—I’m just genuinely curious! Sheesh. It’s ironic that you guys think I’m “taking it so seriously” or “need to chill” when y’all seem riled up about me even asking the questions in the first place.

  • http://fubap.org/vladivostok Fred

    everything will always offend someone, and nothing will ever be perfectly understood by everyone. those are not logical reasons to rule out any kind of humor, whether you like it and find it funny or not. or else, we would be living in a world where joking is not allowed.

    the politically correct movement is killing comedy.

  • D

    To the girl at the top. Let me refine your comment.

    Here one from us girls

    Keagles- Because you can’t undo the damage of the 20 guy gangbang you had in college

    Cheers

  • http://www.mihirlakhani.com Mihir

    lol !! this is too funny and may b too realistic :P

  • BriDarling

    I have an issue of INSTYLE magazine right beside me, and no lie, this is what’s on the cover:
    “Thinner By Tonight”
    “20 Amazing Heels You Can Walk In”
    “Perfect Skin”
    “Sexy Now! Gorgeous hair & make-up how to”

    I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

  • Angela

    The assumption for the joke is, as always, that everything women do is because they think it’s what men want them to do. Men, I know it may be impossible to fathom, but get this, IT AIN’T ALL ABOUT YOU!!

    That said… the joke is still funny.

  • http://coolmaterial wray

    a joke is a joke, for those feminists that want to argue a point argue that pricks like Tiger Woods should not be allowed to hold a press conference during the Olympics so peole can feel sorry for him. He is a great golfer and will be remembered as such, He screwed up ( literally ) so now lets forget about him and move on. giving him Air Time right now is wrong

  • GG

    Women’s magazines have nothing to do with what men want. It’s about what the diet and fashion industries want – neurotic women who think they can never be perfect and must therefore give all their money to said industries.

    Show a man in the real world a “women’s magazine” – even the ones which purport to be all about attracting men – and he’ll have no idea what the hell the articles are talking about, or why anyone would be interested in them.

    Seriously – guys don’t want you to look like a starving stick in clown makeup who never eats anything with more than one calorie and has an encyclopedic knowledge of C-list celebrities. It’s actually not all that attractive.

  • matt

    Dear Annie
    I am sure there are men out there who would be capable of taking these headlines seriously, they are called the lowest common denominator and it isn’t healthy to base decisions on what they may or may not think – if you start down that road you’ll just drive yourself nuts. I think most people see it as a joke, it’s hardly cutting edge material, but I’d argue that women’s magazines are a wholly deserving object for satire.
    I certainly don’t take your question as confrontational, this is a forum after all and the point is to discuss things.
    Yours non-confrontationally

  • aisha

    Okay this was hilarious! I would actually read those magazines if they had these articles….I always thought it was stupid to ask women how to turn on men. To Katy, Annie and the rest of these uptight women posting on here….maybe if you actually did some of those things on the covers you would not ranting about how horrible they are….By the way…the Altoid trick put a ring on my finger…..LOL

  • James

    Wow. This obviously hit a nerve with some people.

    @YourConscience
    “What’s interesting here is that the motive, resentment, is proven as clearly by the comments attacking Katy as by the magazine alts themselves. I expect no better from a site as shallow as this one, but it’s no less horrifying just because the source is dodgy. Some of you have a lot to learn about being human beyond the fourth grade level.”

    While i agree with most of what you said, it’s kind of embarrassing to notice that you obviously frequent this sight that you slam “shallow” and “dodgy”.

  • Annie

    @matt: Definitely agree, and you make good points. :) I definitely don’t assume “all men” are a certain way (or “all women”, obviously), but I do think cultural trends like this are interesting. Thanks for at least understanding what I was trying to get at!

    @aisha: Maybe you didn’t read my comments in depth, or maybe you didn’t understand them. I’m not sure what you’re implying about me “doing the things on the covers”.. I’m in a happy relationship and you seem to be too — you don’t need to attack or assume things about people.

  • Evilsports

    I get a kick out of the men who claim that this is not how we truly feel. You’re right, there’s nothing worse then a hand job and a delicious meal. I believe 90% of those articles are valid 97% of the time. I’m not just saying this to be contrary, I really do subscribe to all of those theories. Life is good and my wife is an incredibly strong, brilliant, and independent person.

    And if any one of you even considers forwarding this response to her, I’ll hunt you down.

  • squareheadmongol

    this is a pure stroke of genius.somebody knows fish from fowl.

  • Danielle

    Christina put it perfectly.

    I do whatever I can to make my man happy because I enjoy it and he does the same for me. We both make occaisional sacrifices. I feel sorry for all you women up there who haven’t found someone who you enjoy making happy and enjoys making you happy, even if it takes a little sacrifice sometimes.

    I would suggest bettering your chances at happiness with a man by lightening up and chilling out.

  • Rosanne

    I’d soon walk in a pile of doggie do than buy a “woman’s magazine.”

    Sadly, so many young women do not even recogize that they are being denigrated. That’s when you know your oppression is complete.

  • The Girl You Want

    I’m a lady and I think your article titles are hilarious! There’s even one I’d read. (Hmmm… wonder what that “1 position” is.) Still, the reason this wouldn’t work is that there’d be no room left for all the important things that make girls different from guys: keeping our skin clear, tummies tight, buying clothes that are right for our body types, etc. Face it, if we didn’t look and smell good, you guys’ interest would drop 90%. =)

  • Lauren

    Jeeez people, enough with the stereotypes and jackass assumptions! Just because some women on here are expressing their opinion about this doesn’t mean that they automatically are lonely, miserable and ugly. I found these magazine covers stupid too, but god forbid I say anything about it or people will assume I’m some bitter old shrew who “wouldn’t be complaining if you had a guy to make you happy”. Please.

  • Damien

    Lets cut to the chase, humor or nor, satire or not, the fact is that if women read “women’s magazines” to get men then they should at least be getting good advice. Marketing deems what young women are told is sexy behavior, but marketers are trying to sell products, not actually get these women a date. If the woman lands a man, ahe doenn’t need a magazine to give her more advice about how to do so. Their agenda is to sell magazines, and therefore market products. Might as well tell them what men really want, or would ya prefer to be lead around the yard by a chain?

  • Massi

    Just some sexist jokes… not real funny to me. These jokes just add to the problem.

  • Harry

    Christina … ahhh a woman with intelligence – your husband is a very lucky man (do you have a sister?)

  • Dewey

    To everyone who think this is denigrating to women, you are right. You should never be privy to the truth, it just not right. If the magazines were in the business of telling the truth rather than filling your heads with frivolous fantasies they wouldn’t be in trouble would they.

  • calle

    No man will take this seriously. Everyone knows that it is satire, however all good satire is based on reality and there are some basic truths mixed in to all the ridicilous headlines about women fetching beer and gaining weight etc.

  • bruuno

    heh by now the comments has become even more amusing than the joke itself.

    What is people bitching about!? seriously?

    I actually think that most of the headlines are valid, and I dont see how they can be offending or degrading at all (it may be becuase im a guy, but Id like to think its not).

    There is nothing wrong with learning about how to please your man, as well as guys learning about how to please their women. This “joke” is just focused on the male pow, there is really nothing to get hot and bothered about.

  • http://coolmaterial Bethany

    I love this article! It was forwarded to me by a male friend who I have come to love and respect for always keeping it real. If women and men would TALK, and not believe the things that are stereotypical about each other, relationships would flourish. Communication is the most important ingredient in a relationship..”honest” communication. Spend a day watching sports with him, get his beer, order his favorite pizza, when the games are over, wear his Jersey..and only his Jersey to bed. He’ll see you in a different light. Appreciate each other, indulge each other, laugh together.. Be Happy!

  • Warped

    Geeeezzzz.

    Ladies, ya’ll are missing the point.
    Women that want men to be more like women…
    These women are confused, what they are really asking for…
    .
    wait for it….
    .
    .
    other women!

    On the other hand, (and women should learn to use both)
    men want women that like men to be men, and know how to get the most out of their men by being a woman! (Wow…what a concept!)

    And, men don’t care if women have good taste, only if they taste good!

    Why is this a problem?

  • Will

    LADIES!

    The satire behind all of this is that womens interest magazines are written BY women. Women are giving advice to other women on men. If you wanted “100 Ways to Please Your Man,” wouldn’t you want it written BY a man??? And not by some lady with a PhD… who could have the worst love/sex life in the world for all you know

  • Chris

    I’m a bit surprised that so many people are so polarized on both sides. That’s the best reason for satire and for having this conversation: it makes people think about these things. What you and I may think is obvious is apparently so to everyone.

  • Chris

    I meant to say “apparently not so”

  • Wow

    I never post things, but had to here. If you feel a man is sexist, dump him/avoid him. If you feel a woman is manipulative, dump her/avoid her. Men and women are such large groups, nothing can be acomplished by a blanket statement. Treat all people as individuals, and all situations as unique. Almost everyone here is unbelievably stupid and ignorant. Especially the women who feel this denegrates society. Really? Then stop buying the magazines if it offends you. Because men are not the ones buying them.

  • Alec

    IT”S A JOKE. GEEZ. GET OVER YOURSELVES. NO INTELLIGENT PERSON WAS SERIOUSLY THINKING “Wow, this is aweseome.” Level headed people can see it’s an exaggerated satire about women’s magazines being too preachy, and men being stereotypically shallow.

    You know, I’m a level headed guy with a high paying job and responsibilities. But sometimes, on my down time, I LIKE FOURTH GRADE Crass Humour. I’m not going to be pretentious and say “how neanderthal.” No way. Life’s too much fun to think EVERYTHING should follow one’s own moral standards.

    Some women posting here with too much insecurity were thinking “This is an affront to my womanhood.” For which I pity them. Cause they’re reading their own insecurities into it. No one else is doing so but them. They obviously don’t have the ability to laugh at life once in a while.

  • http://www.esds.co.in/managed_co-location.php Leresh

    awesome article………

  • http://myspace.com/erincolleenmarshall Erin (a girl)

    I agree with what several guys (and maybe girls) said above. The thing is, most guys don’t put these pressures on women. Women do!! Men don’t write these magazines. Okay, maybe a few guys are on the staff, but half of them are gay. Women are the ones who make other women feel inadequate because they don’t wear a size 4. Most men I know wouldn’t even think of dating a woman below a size 10. That’s just my experience, granted, but I know a lot of guys. LOL If you are a women who buys these magazines thinking the speak truth, you’re extremely naive. I don’t think I have ever even opened one, and I’m certainly the better for it. Lighten up! This is a joke, and even though it has a ring of truth to it, it’s hilarious!!!

  • Kimberly

    Lovely. And then women can take over men’s magazines and write articles like: Why Taking a Shower and Using Deodorant Make You up to Ten Times More Attractive, Why Beer is Ten Times Better if You Get it Yourself, Perfectly Manly Topics other than Computers, Cars and Sports to use in Conversation with Women, 10 Ways to Perform a Quiet Left-Hand Check that will Keep You from Looking Like an Idiot, and finally How to Make Your Own F-ing Sandwich: Detailed Instructions from the Mother who Apparently Failed You.

  • http://www.ohnoamonster.com A. Monster

    Love em. I’ve had to make plenty of fake magazine covers for work, these are a great inspiration.

  • http://n/a jayda

    aha.. for every 1 chick who needs lessons in handjobs, there are about 10 guys who need lessons in workin’ a vagina.. it’s such a let down when were so well trained, and reciprocation turns into ‘jesus ill just do it myself’

    Correction: I’m sure Jesus knew how to touch a lady

  • arl stevenson

    pretty much the only requirement of handjobs is having hands. and you still fuck up