If Men Wrote Women’s Magazines

Women get all kinds of advice from magazines from how to dress to how to please a man in the bedroom, and even what to cook for us. And while it’s not all bad (with hotties like Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba on the cover) these mags are lacking much needed male insights. For example, we’re actually not that interested in your hair and we definitely don’t care about your shoes. Don’t get us wrong, we love the heels… we just don’t see why you need so many pairs that quite frankly, to us look the same. But if Women’s magazines were actually written by men, there wouldn’t be so much confusion about what we want. Here are some article titles, written by men that get straight to the point.

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  • http://blog.glow.com Jason

    Brilliant! I never comment on posts because I feel like it takes too much time…but for this one, I will! WELLLLLL DONE!

  • Nono

    Here one from us girls

    Keagles- Because lets face it, he’s done growning

  • Katy

    I am so appalled by these images. Women are already instructed by these magazines to do things the way men want it, and without considering their wants and desires. These images are bringing it to an entirely different level – a much more extreme level. I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.

  • http://www.buyabusiness.com kasey

    I love this! I wish these were real articles I could read.

  • http://home.earthlink.net/~trolleyfan David

    Funny, it doesn’t look *that* much different from what’s on the covers now…more honest, maybe…but not that much different.

  • matt

    ‘I understand these images were made in good humor, but this is a problem.’
    No it isn’t – it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.
    The problem is these magazines. The island of Fiji used to have a 0% rate of eating disorders amongst the native female population. Within a year of western billboards and western women’s magazines showing up, the island had its first incidents of eating disorders.

  • Bob

    Ey Kathy… haven’t gotten any in a while?

  • Joe B.

    Katy,

    Please. Everything about dating and relationships are about “pleasing” women. Girls are literally trained from birth in the ways of manipulating men. From getting them to spend money on them to scheduling all their free time for them, women control every aspect of value in a relationship.

    All the man asks for is a meal, a clean house, clean clothes, and sexual satisfaction (which women also enjoy, plus oh-so-easy for them to get at any given moment). Sure, she might do this, but with attitude and bitching (notice the penis size joke above, such an old and tired gag.. Makes you wonder if a girl isn’t happy until she can be fisted)

    In a perfect relationship, the above is done with enthusiasm, from both sides! ..with a partner that’s a friend AND fun to be with.

    Just some honesty..
    -Joe

  • Paulo

    It would be nice if they would put something up about how getting breast augmentation only attracts immature/trashy men. Smart/decent men find the whole idea blatantly manipulative and insulting. If women asked men what they thought about it, they would never do such things.

    I love it that Jessica Simpson said (back when she was married to Nick) that she loves that he thinks she is sexy in “just” a white t-shirt. Well duh! That really isn’t as big a feat as most women seem to think. We don’t care about your lingerie. We seriously don’t – except maybe for the guys who secretly wear it behind your backs.

  • cornelius mcdingleberry

    Do you have any evidence to back up this assertion, “matt”?

  • Marthie

    Hahahha xD I laughed so hard, this is brilliant!
    I love the honesty and straightforwardness ^^ and it’s formulated beautifully, and there’s actually a lot of subjects here that would indeed attract female readers :P

  • Sean

    Here one for Nono
    Keagles- Because no one like a loose vagina.

  • Brian

    Hey Katy, its people like you that are the reason why the divorce rate is so high

  • Trent

    LOL. Stop freaking out! It’s just a bit of fun. Would everyone have such ploarized reactions if a team of women redid covers of Nuts or Loaded. Let’s not get nasty and try and take it for what it is: some fun! Lighten up!

  • madhatter

    wow katy, i always thought it was a joke that women really thought men wanted them to do what those magazines say… a bad joke.
    great article guys.

  • madhatter

    @ cornelius mcdingleberry. here’s your proof: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/347637.stm
    next time use some sense and try searching key words like fiji eating disorder works like a charm 99% of the time

  • Vicky

    The sad part is that I’d rather read a lot of these articles. And I’m glad someone is making a stand against the “va -jay-jay” epidemic. People really need to never use that word.

  • Annie

    “it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.”

    Matt – I really want to see it that way, and maybe it partially WAS meant that way, but I have a question for you (and maybe all the guys on this thread):

    Do you think that there are men out there who would actually take headlines like these seriously, and see them as “true”, so to speak? As in, NOT satire?

    Just curious. This is not meant to be confrontational; I’m just genuinely wondering what guys really think about this.

  • Melody

    I find those magazines to be a joke, as have all the men I’ve dated (otherwise they would definitely not have a chance with me). I once read those things when I was young and as I grew up, the only time I looked at them was when I had to do research on popular trends due to my previous sales job. Its funny how people follow and believe these magazines as if they were the holy bible to how they should live their lives and how they should look. Intelligence and knowledge of self rule.

    Thus, awesome shop jobs. Made me giggle. ;)

  • ash

    I’m a chick and I approved this message. As long as no one takes it 100% seriously. Bravo.

  • Mark

    Annie-
    No, the men that deserve attention from women do not actually think like this. Rather it’s the men that was aforementioned- trashy and immature- that believe this. Don’t date trashy guys and you’ll have your answer.

  • bruuno

    I actually think a lot of the headlines are spot on, im not gonna go into detail, but a lot of girls do need lessons in the art of giving handjobs.

  • Shaktiva

    OK…and where is this news?

    By the way, you don’t earn because you feel the need to be the MAN around women, you do it because you don’t want to feel like the GIRL to your manfriends.

    Cars, how expensive make a terrible place to live in. And mostly, you are fond of women’s’ shoes. I know, because I’m a woman who hates shoes and I see you looking away from my mountain boots….not all but all those posers do.

  • al

    @Annie,

    It’s pretty obvious satire. I assume that the men who wouldn’t get it are about as intelligent as the women who take it completely seriously.

  • Shaktiva

    Are you really that hard in facing reality, what a thrashing of Katy. Could it be, men dislike women standing up for herself? One could actually think that….

    It’s this blunt reactions, not seeing eye to eye to each others issues, that causes drifts: not any issue in itself.

  • Jonathan

    To say this is “what men want” is to buy into a bunch of BS, marketing-driven tropes about what men _should_ want. As they are presented here, they still form a representation of what women should be, and it’s not positive. Sexist to everyone concerned, in my opinionf. If you’re not concerned, then YOU are the problem.

  • Holly

    I think it is actually pretty funny and not that far from the truth of these magazines. Most of them are about how to get a guy to like you, stay with you, and how to please him. Even if they aren’t trashy, for example Good Housekeeping is about how to impress other people either by cooking the perfect meal or creating cutesy crafts or how to decorate to impress. Are they shallow?? Yes! I hate to admit it I have a subscription to Glamour (I’m not trying to find a man, I am happily married) But let me tell you, some of the sex tips in the magazine has not only benefited my husband, but me as well. People need to relax.

  • Sarah

    way to funny

  • Annie

    Al & Mark,

    Interesting. But then why is stuff like this funny? You’re saying it’s really just men poking fun at themselves? But are they poking fun at their “true selves” and “desires” or what the media makes them out to be?

    And where did these stereotypical ideas about “what men want” come from in the first place? Men? Women? Society? The media?

    I tend to agree with what Jonathan said — Even in a “joking” light, I still see stuff like this as a kind of unhealthy way to perpetuate gender stereotypes.
    Call me a killjoy, but if this is humor then it’s boring, exhausted humor. “Hahaha! Men like handjobs! And naked women! And beer! And exploding on women’s faces!” Hokay…. we get it.

  • kit

    @Jonathan – thank goodness there’s a least one man on here that doesn’t scare the living shite out of me.

  • Erica

    Pretty sure a lot of women’s magazines were run by guys since the 1910s.

  • http://www.bradley-davis.com/ Brad

    That is simply awesome!

  • Rosanne

    Your suggestions are in VERY poor taste. Thanks for proving, yet again, that men in the USA function at the lowest level in Maslow’s hierarchy, lower than slugs.

    I’m sure your mother,mother-in-law, sisters, aunts and grandmothers, and any women you work with in the workplace… are incredibly PROUD of the way you denigrate them on this blog.

  • Ray

    LOL! Hilarious!…. @ annie you need to chill. If you really want to know about sexism and history why don’t you go to your local university and do some research. Other then that, I give mad props to whoever created this. HAHAHA!

  • Cleo Cortez

    From a married woman’s point of view, I have to say this article was aweswome. Those magazines are a threat to a real woman’s livelihood andshoudl be banned. The average man in America really doesn’t want a girl with the body of a 12 year old boy and they really do like a girl who can cook– maybe BETTER than their mother. Thank you for setting the record straight with this article.

  • Daniel

    @Annie – I can see where you are coming from but some of those “articles” are true. Like “Have your own hobbies” The amount of women I have dated that don’t have any hobbies and think that therefore I shouldn’t have any is amazing.

  • Emma

    Oh come onnnnn I hate it when some women are like ‘omggg thats sooo sexist!’ its a joke! and its a bloody hilarious one! hahaha this is great! i love the highlights one and the tv one hahaha

  • Ambrosia

    The point is HUMOR. LOL. Yall are dumb.

  • Brad M

    I want a subscription to all these mags.

  • Pete

    Funny, and makes just as much fun of men as it does women.

  • http://www.coolwalldecals.com coolwalldecals

    Awesome front pages. I dig every one of these…

  • Altsik

    I am a woman and I would so read that:) It always good to know what men actually have in their minds, because well.. they’re not always telling us you know.

  • Your Conscience

    Katy got it exactly right: These images are appalling. These magazines alts are satirical, all right (pretty much by definition), but that isn’t the point. When one considers these images in context, the motive behind them reveals itself not as artistic, nor egalitarian, nor feminist, nor purely for entertainment. The motive here is resentment–resentment toward women and resentment at our society’s efforts toward sexual equality, which comes at the expense of men who used to be able to get away with anything but now have to remember in their daily behavior that their female counterparts are fellow human beings and not just sex objects.

    What’s interesting here is that the motive, resentment, is proven as clearly by the comments attacking Katy as by the magazine alts themselves. I expect no better from a site as shallow as this one, but it’s no less horrifying just because the source is dodgy. Some of you have a lot to learn about being human beyond the fourth grade level.

  • http://www.thebuffoon.net Stanley

    Very funny, you should do more of these.

  • zzoom

    “it’s a satirical rip on women’s magazines and the shallowness of men.” Matt, why are men shallow if it’s women who read these magazines and their demands dictate what these magazines publish. Nothing to do with men here, if anything it’s the shallowness of women who pay good money to read this rubbish..

  • paus

    Looks like we’ve got a gaggle of feminazis in the crowd today. You are the exact audience these satirical mag covers are meant to twist panties (or in your cases granny undies) into a bunch.

  • Christina

    When you actually find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you lose the whole attitude of who is supposed to do what and when. It’s not about who’s job it is to cook or clean or how you should look. It’s about doing things that make the person you love happy. I’ve been with my man for 4 years and I have never made the same meal twice. Seriously. I make him hot lunches, dinners, and bake at least once a week. And I like it. He can go where he wants, when he wants, and there’s no jealousy or calling him twenty times to check up on him. Whenever I don’t feel like having sex, I give him a bl** job–usually takes less time anyway. HA! Do you know what I get in return for this? The lawn mowed, the dishes done, and a man that would rather spend time w/me than his boys. And do you know why? Because I realized how little it takes to make a man happy. I’m not sitting here getting all women’s lib about making dinner. I still work full time and I handle the finances. Rather than fight it, it’s much easier to realize that I am a damn good cook and I SHOULD get my ass in the kitchen. LOL.

  • http://www.onivoro.com.br Kojima

    If men wrote women’s magazine, Paris Hilton will never be in the cover. Too skinny…

  • tsunaminw

    good stuff, hilarious and more true than any woman can admit to herself.
    As far as the uppity women bitching about the article, take the stick out, life is more fun without it. Otherwise you end up living alone with 8 cats watching lifetime and clipping coupons.

  • http://wavebehind.org Allen

    in fact, some hot women magazine were founded by men, e.g Paul Schlicht for Cosmopolitan and Arthur Baldwin for Vogue.