17 Awesome NSFW Calendars

It’s now officially 2010. While your cell phone and computer have no problem acknowledging the fact we’re in a whole new decade, the calendar you just looked at does. Picking a calendar to personalize your space while simultaneously abiding by acceptable work practices (whatever the hell those are) can be difficult. You need to find something that expresses what you love (boobs) without being unacceptable in a corporate environment (boobs).

Unless you happen to work at a place that comped your trip to AVN (The CES cover story is about as believable as her “assets” being real), these calendars are not safe for work. Granted, they’re not all scantily clad – or nude – women (plenty of them are), but they all say something about you that you don’t want to be broadcasting at the office. These calendars are the reason the man cave was invented. You can call it a “home office” if you want, your secret is safe with us.

[The links are NSFW so save the double-clicking for the man cave too.]

nuts

Nuts

This one is quite simple – the words aren’t there on the original. Nuts Magazine models Rosie Jones, Kitty Lea, Sophie Howard, Lucy Pinder, and Eva Wyrwal go topless in this top heavy calendar. It will be awesome when your grandkids find this in twenty years and figure out what a pervy old man you are, but if your boss finds it your gone…just like their tops.



alrio

Al Rio

Anime may be on its way to becoming an accepted art form in the US, but even James Cameron (and a bag of money) can’t make the art of Al Rio safe enough to hang in the office. Pinup girl calendars will get you fired, regardless of how they’re technically art.



pirelli

Pirelli

Calendars of cars with Pirelli rubber?  Totally acceptable. Calendars of your idols (even Tiger Woods)? Still acceptable. Terry Richardson may be your idol, but his take on the Pirelli calendar will have you in the unemployment line faster than the economy.



erotic

Erotic 3D Art Pinup

Do you secretly fantasize about Final Fantasy characters? Do you want EVERYONE in the office to think that you do? If you answered no to either one of those questions don’t hang this calendar in the office.



vikkiblows

Vikki Blows

The only thing this calendar leaves to the imagination is if the carpet matches the drapes and you don’t want your boss breathing heavily in your ear while you find out.



twilight

Twilight

If you don’t hate this movie, you’re not a real man. Dawson’s Creek doesn’t get any better when you add vampires – especially when there are no badass swords, Kate Beckinsale, or blood gods. Forbidden love is great as long as its coupled with American muscle cars, shit exploding, and crossbows. Hanging this office is less about a public declaration of sexual preference and more about your lack of taste.



vogue

Vogue

They’re topless. It’s Vogue. Move on.



mormons

Hot Mormon Muffins

We already talked about the Hot Mormon Muffins briefly, but they’re worth revisiting (and burying your face in). Somehow the Mormons decided that if they put a muffin recipe with a hottie it was acceptable and they were right. However, it’s not for work because it’s shipped in “plain packaging.” Anything shipped in plain packaging is probably not safe for work.



menonamission

Mormons On A Mission

More Mormons and this time they’re completely shirtless. This calendar doesn’t even have muffin recipes to help you rationalize hanging it in the kitchen. That and, oh yeah, it’s shirtless dudes.



catlovers

Cats

Do you REALLY want to be the guy with the pictures of the cats hanging in the cube? Yeah, they’re cute, but so is the girl in Accounting. Do you ever want to see her Hot Mormon Muffins? Save your sensitive side for later.



nerds

Naked Nerds

Donating money to charity will earn you brownie points with that cute secretary. Hanging the calendar filled with naked chicks you got for you donation will not.



oxford

Oxford Coeds

Somewhere in the bi-laws of UK charity registration it states “find hotties to get naked and make a calendar” and that’s awesome. Maybe the Brits can hang stuff like this in the office, but they also call fries chips and trunks boots. Here in the land of bars and soccer gainful employment is contingent upon a lack of nudity in the office… even on your wall.



chickens

Extraordinary Chickens

Chickens are great – on buns, in salads, and as nuggets – but not as calendars. If any of the other chickens look like that demon possessed, showgirl headress wearing, furby shaped one on the cover it’s also downright creepy. As least the cat calendars don’t show case extraordinary versions of lunch. Never look at your food alive before you eat it.



youngfarmers

Young Farmers

It’s probably safe to say you never thought you would look back on your life and wish you had become a farmer, but that changes now. The Young Farmers Club is now officially the greatest way to meet hotties (so long church!) in North Devon in the UK. Who knew farm hands could be so sexy?



nuns

Nuns Having Fun

Apparently nuns really are girls too (who knew?) and they just wanna have fun to. At church. Not in your office. No one likes a religious fanatic.



foxyhunters

Foxy Hunters

More Brits!?! Seriously, we need to rethink this whole “American Dream” thing because we don’t even have fully clothed hottie hunters (technically they’re equestriennes). Your work place may be business casual, but that doesn’t mean you get to opt for a jacket instead of pants.



zombiepinup

Zombie Pin-Ups

Are you the dude Marketing keeps referring to as the guy with the thing for “dead looking girls?” There’s a word for that – necrophilia – and it’s just weird. If you’re actually on a quest to get fired, why pass up all the British coeds for the dead chicks?



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