While the headlines are frequently cluttered with mentions of people like Bill Murray, Sir Patrick Stewart, Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, and other noteworthy famous people, we find it almost criminal at how little of that spotlight goes to Jeff Goldblum. At 65—yes, sixty-fucking-five—years old, Goldblum is still kicking ass in Hollywood. He’s been on the cover of GQ, is married to a former Olympic gymnast who’s almost half his age, and plays a mean jazz piano—all while maintaining his status as one of the most talented actors of our time. But there’s a lot more than that that makes him one of the coolest guys alive.
He Has the Best Taste in Eyewear Ever
Jeff Goldblum has more than enough money to never have to wear eyeglasses again. Yet, instead of spending thousands of dollars on ridiculous surgery, he chooses to embrace good eyewear. Where most people find picking out new frames to be a tedious chore or a fate on par with death itself, Goldblum takes great pride in having such excellent taste. In fact, his reputation for excellent eyewear is so strong and well-regarded, someone from GQ even looked back on his “career-long eyewear journey.” Goldblum has allegedly worn over 1,000 pairs of glasses over the years, and from what we can tell, only one or two of them actually sucked.
He Plays in a Jazz Band—And They Have Weekly Shows
Jeff Goldblum is also a talented jazz pianist because of course he is. If we were to look at a picture of Goldblum and not know any other context about the photo or his career, we’d say, “He is very clearly a jazz pianist.” Not only is Goldblum in a band, but they’re also really damn good. Called the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra, they play almost every week at The Rockwell Table & Stage in Los Angeles. And you can go see them anytime you want.
He Stands at 6’4”
Despite his persona as a quiet, handsome, generally unassuming person, Goldblum is actually one of the taller men in Hollywood. At 6’4”, Goldblum is in a pretty exclusive club of Hollywood’s big-and-tall actors that includes the likes of Jason Segel (6’4”), Hugh Jackman (6’2”), Clive Owen (6’2”), and Liam Neeson (6’4”). At least we can all rest easy knowing that if his acting career never worked out, Goldblum probably wouldn’t have had much trouble landing a basketball scholarship.
He Has Never Had a Cavity or Filling
Jeff Goldblum has ever only done one Reddit AMA, but luckily for us, that one AMA yielded enough gold to last us years. Of all the things he discussed in his rather absurd Ask Me Anything session, the most surprising was definitely his answer to a Redditor who asked, “Can you tell us something about yourself that we may find surprising?” After a pensive “Hmmm,” Goldblum divulged that he has never—not once—had a single cavity or needed to get a single filling. Which, at his age, is more than astonishing. Can you imagine going your entire life without having to know the hell-on-earth that is topical surgery in a dentist’s office? That’s legendary.
He Has a Poodle Named Woody Allen Goldblum
We suppose it’s fitting, given his recent role in Wes Anderson’s new film Isle of Dogs, that Goldblum is a huge dog person. But everything about Goldblum’s dog—from his name (Woody Allen Goldblum), to his breed (poodle), is just so perfectly Jeff Goldblum. Goldblum has commented in the past that Woody is super loving and patient and kind, and that he actually strives to learn from and be more like his dog every day—which is both how we feel about our own pups, and the kind of thing we’d expect Jeff Goldblum to say about his.
“Jeff Goldblum-isms” Are Actual Things
What if you had characteristic traits or certain mannerisms about you that were so distinct—so you—that people gave them their own funny titles. Well, let us introduce you to the world of “Jeff Goldblum-isms.” Essentially, Jeff Goldblum-isms are bits and fragments of quotes that Goldblum has said over the years that are so unmistakably Goldblum that they’re almost painfully obvious to read. Goldblum has such a particular way of communicating in these short spurts of sentences and ideas, broken up into bits and pieces by random “ah’s” and “uhm’s” and “uh’s” that they’ve become their own form of pseudo-language. If you’re doubting us, they’re very well-documented throughout the hilarity of the internet and beyond.
His First Child, Charlie Ocean, Was Born on July 4th—Independence Day
It takes a truly extraordinary master of the universe to be able to manipulate life events in such an impactful way, and the birth of Goldblum’s first son, Charlie Ocean, is a perfect example of this mastery of the universe. As you likely know, one of Goldblum’s most famous roles came in the form of uninspired MIT graduate and “cable repairman” David Levinson in the 1996 blockbuster hit Independence Day. It was one of of Goldblum’s distinctive breakout roles that helped put him on the map, and one that he has been remembered for ever since. Well, the real-life Independence Day takes place on July 4th, which is also, ironically enough, the day his son, Charlie Ocean, was born.
He Is the Epitome of Silver Fox
Goldblum isn’t just known for his impeccable taste in eyewear. He’s also become a bit of a men’s style icon over the last few years. In fact, we’d wager that he has better taste in clothing at 65 than most men do at 30. His impeccable style has been well documented, but we’re talking everything from casual suit attire to biker jacket-clad bad-ass. Goldblum can rock it all—and he frequently does.
He Once Gave Out Free Sausages For Literally No Reason At All
Bill Murray became famous for being the kind of guy who shows up in the most random situations at any moment and doing whatever you’d never possibly expect him to do. For instance, there’s a now-famous first-person account by a Redditor who said Bill Murray came up to him in New York City—Times Square, of all places—and randomly stole two French fries off his plate. After noticing the dubious fry thief was none other than Bill Murray (and before he could shout attention to the situation), Bill Murray is alleged to have said, “No one will ever believe you.”
Well, Jeff Goldblum can do you one better. The Internet broke last year after people on Twitter discovered that Goldblum had shown up in Sydney, Australia, in a themed food truck called “Chef Goldblum’s Jazzy Snags,” and was giving out free sausages. He wouldn’t explain why, telling people that he was just “doing research,” and continued handing out his jazzy snags. To this day, we still don’t know why he was doing it, and we don’t think he’s done it again since.
He Exudes Charm, Sex Appeal, and Wholesomeness
At the end of the day, Jeff Goldblum is the coolest man alive because he somehow manages to take the traditional nerdy science-type and transform that weird guy into something incredibly handsome, confident, and stylish. And he’s been doing it for decades. He’s the kind of man we all turn to when we need to see that it’s totally possible for someone to be quirky, strange, and geeky, and still somehow get to marry a gymnast and be one of Hollywood’s more low key sex icons. He has style like no other, is incredibly talented, and serves as this awesome role model for guys everywhere—and has done so for literal decades, at this point. He is the living, breathing embodiment of everything cool.