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  • Ink-Blot-Plate
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If your diet consists of lots of squid ink pasta, we wouldn’t recommend getting these plates. First off, because you’ll think your plates are always dirty, and second because you shouldn’t be wasting time acquiring fine china when you need to be making a doctors appointment to discuss your highly bizarre eating habits. Fashioned after a Rorschach test, each of the plates in this series of four ($33 each) features an inkblot ready for your discerning eye. If instead of the animals listed, you see things like “The Devil” and “Anarchy,” you should probably also stop ordering and call the good doctor.

Parachute-CM-IF2-11-13-17

Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.