Loading…
  • bkkuroburger1
  • bkkuroburger2
  • bkkuroburger3
  • bkkuroburger4
Loading…

That Halloween Whopper Burger King is currently peddling, with its A.1. steak sauce-infused black bun, is actually a thinly-veiled slap in America’s face. BK knew U.S. Twitter feeds blew up when the company released the original Kuro (“Black”) burger in Japan last year, but they didn’t think our taste buds were ready for it. So they give us this. No bamboo charcoal. No squid ink sauce or black cheese. No craziness. Just a funky looking bun and a sauce made to go with beef. Not gonna cut it.

We wanted to experience the real black burger in all its bizarre glory, so we traveled to Tokyo to do just that. (Note: We did not travel to Tokyo just to eat this burger. We’re not insane.)

The version we sampled was the Kuro Taisho burger, which keeps the standard Kuro burger accoutrements and tosses a hash brown on top for good measure. As is the case with most fast food items, its picture on the board looks absolutely nothing like it. The bun looked like a shriveled raisin; the sauce spilled out in chunks. The hash brown, however, was damn near perfect. Honestly, Burger King should abandon the sack of potato tokens they’ve been offering for years—they’ve got the real thing down.

As for the taste, it’s… different. You get a lot of pepper, soy and garlic. A lot. The bun, while not overly flavorful, definitely has a taste. What that taste is, we couldn’t tell you. Fish? The hash brown, while tremendous on its own, brings an odd texture that could best be described as “gummy.” The potato has a way of soaking up all those flavors and jamming them in every crevice of your mouth. You need a Waterpik to get rid of that sauce. It’s loaded with flavor, but we’re not sure that flavor could be described as “good.”

Alright, we admit it, Burger King made the right call. We’re not ready for the real black burger. It’s f*cking weird.

Parachute-CM-IF2-11-13-17

Ah, the waffle weave. Looks cool, feels great, reminds us of toasted Eggos. You’ve seen them before–probably in a fancy store or hotel–but Parachute’s brand new Waffle Towels are different. They’re spun using innovative Aerocotton Technology, which basically means they’ll be dry by the time your significant other finally gets out of the shower and realizes you stole their towel. Parachute’s Waffle Towels come in two sizes and two neutral colors. Plus, their 100% cotton construction means they start soft and only get softer with time. Even Kevin McCallister would approve.