Boobs and beer may seem like a good combination when you are young and drunk, but surely you can find a better way of satisfying your “urges.”. If you feel the need to get this beer accessory, keep it away from all the girls you know, or you’ll never get a taste of the real thing.
Drew’s Famous Inflatable Ring Toss Beer Bottle Hat
It doesn’t matter how drunk anyone is, this game is not fun. This seems to be the frat boy equivalent to bad bridal shower games. As soon as you see one of your buddies put this on his head, and ask for someone to play, it’s time to walk out the door and go find new friends dude.
Beer Mug of Blooms
Sometimes couples will fight, and you will want to apologize to your wife or girlfriend with flowers. Good idea. Picking out Beer Mug of Blooms as the ultimate “I’m Sorry” gift? Bad idea. Don’t even think about it. Girls – thinking of sending this to your man? Go ahead if you want him coming home from the office with an atomic wedgie and a new feminine nickname.
Just when you thought that being the drunk emotional guy was the most embarrassing thing at the party, you meet the guy with the Beer Pager. He hates losing his beer, and wants to let everyone know that fact, by purchasing this device with his hard earned money.
Beer Fart Extinguisher
Let’s face it, farts will always be funny. However, spending real money on something called the “Beer Fart Extinguisher” may be pushing it. We get it; bodily gas is hilarious but only to a certain extent. Leave your wallet at home if you know you are going to a place selling this extinguisher. Be recognized as the guy who laughed at the product for a couple minutes instead of the guy who actually bought it.
The only time that riding your cooler is acceptable is when you are under the age of 12, and your scooter broke because your Mom ran it over with her mini-van. So, if you are over the age of twenty one, and thinking of purchasing this ride able cooler, Let’s just hope that you have good friends that will snap some sense into you and how totally ridiculous you’d look riding on this thing.
Ahh, isn’t it just wonderful when binge drinking is made into a fast, two second process? Nothing screams “I’m classy, sophisticated, patient, and not blacking out on the front lawn later” better than using the all mighty Beirstick in front of all your friends.
I’m not sure what’s creepier here, the beer goggles or the mannequin wearing them. If you are drunk enough to put these bad-boys on in public…you deserve to sleep with whoever it is says yes, just don’t come complainin to me the next morning.
Boob beer Cover
Hands down, the most ridiculous beer gadget out there. Break this puppy out at a party and you will look like either a child breastfeeding or what you are, which is an idiot drinking beer with a plastic boob on the top.
Maybe this Beer Belt is convenient to some people, but those people better prepare themselves to go home alone, and also be the butt of every joke or stare throughout the night. You may feel like a winner, but you sure don’t look like one. Leave the belt at home, and just hold on to your beer like a normal guy should, alright?
Next time you are at a bar, and you see some guy with this Beer Burglar alarm, not only drink his beer but shout “I’m stealing your beer, and there is nothing you can do about it” as loud as you can. It’s not like this alarm is really going to stop you.
Drinking Straw Glasses
If the classic beer helmet isn’t making the cut anymore, the next step in ridiculous beer accessories would have to be the drinking straw glasses. The ‘glasses’ are made from a long piece of flexible tubing, so all you have to do is put them on, insert the short end into your mouth and the long end into your drink – and watch the drink swirl through the straw and around your eyes with every sip. The only difference between normal glasses and these would be that this will most likely impair your vision even more, and also your judgment! Perfect!
You know you should not be driving if your ipod doubles as a life-saving breathalyzer. Anyone who buys this, should probably take a step back from the cash register and consider taking a couple other steps. 12 steps, if you get my drift.
Designed to look like a famous statue in Europe, the Little Whizzer offers a rather disgusting way to drink your beer. If one of your friends happens to plop this on the bar one night at their party, you’re definitely going to have to re-think that friendship.
I look at this and try to imagine the meeting at the manufacturer’s conference room. “Hey, what if we make a bottle opener that looks like a woman, you use her ass to open the bottle and she moans as you pop the cap off!” And then someone responds positively.?! I can’t imagine there were any females in that conference. Come to think of it, I don’t think there were any brains either.
Beer helmets have taken a turn for the worst. In all reality, who even thought that they could get worse? I believe a man is getting fired from his job right now as we speak, after his boss found photos of him on Myspace wearing this hat. Let’s just say it does not scream mature.
Remote Controlled Cooler
Feeling extremely lazy, thirsty, and ready to get drunk? You’re in luck because now your cooler can come to you, so you don’t have to get all the way up and actually use your limbs or muscles!
Tongue Shaped Opener
Quite possibly the strangest bottle opener out there. Completely unnecessary and the idea of your tongue opening a bottle is enough to make anyone get the chills. Leave this in the junk drawer. There are plenty of other cool bottle openers out there that don’t involve fake taste buds and red plastic lips!